Lessons Well Learned
by Violet Ice Phoenix
Summary: Summary change because people are pestering me. AU high school fic (yeah, that's right), some OOCness, Kamatari goodness because he's awesome (shonen ai warning!), some bullies, some sarcasm, will beome an AoshixMisao fic. Happy now? (sarcasm)
1. Chapter 1

Lessons Well Learned

By Violet Ice

* * *

  


Misao hated history.

Saying the above statement in the above fashion is putting it mildly. History -dates, battles, people, places- she hated it all with such a passion that she was failing it and failing it miserably. She couldn't remember anything; it was too much information to cram into one person's brain. Wars were getting mixed up (Was the Korean War in the 50's? That sounded right…But which 50's???), people were confused (George Washington? George Washington Carver? Washington Irving??), and locations…They were a lost cause.

Which was precisely why Misao was slumped down in a chair in the career center at three o'clock in the afternoon on her 16 birthday. Of course, she would have rather been ANYWHERE instead of there, but the school said she needed to pass world history (even if she didn't agree) so there she was.

What was she doing there? Waiting for her tutor. He was supposed to have come fifteen minutes ago and she had a right mind to walk out of the room and tell them forget it if he didn't show within the next five minutes. Was she supposed to wait around all day for this nerd to show up? It was her birthday, for the gods sakes! She was wasting her time.

And the guy her guidance councelor said would be tutoring her…She rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. She knew who he was, of course. Every one knew. He was the poorest, quietest kid in the whole school. He was a total loser and not to mention a total nerd. Misao didn't want herself associated with some one like that.

As the richest girl at Murasaki High School, she had a reputation to uphold. She was popular, and rich, and gorgeous and every one knew it. No one could tell her otherwise. So she wasn't about to let a poor bookworm ruin it for her.

She tipped back her chair slightly. He had three more minutes and if he didn't turn up by then she would be gone. Long gone. Outta there. She had birthday things to do; a party to go to, a restaurant to eat at, a brand new car to drive.

Waste of her time…

__

If I have to sit here any longer…She began grumbling to herself, just as she leaned too far back in the chair. The chair tottered on two legs for a moment that felt like an eternity, then tipped backwards, rushing to meet the floor. Her fingers clawed wildly at the edge of the table, but it was too late. There was no saving herself.

It was as she lay dazed on the floor that she noticed the tall figure standing in the doorway. Dressed in faded black jeans and a plain black shirt, he was tall and lean, with dark hair falling over his forehead and into his eyes. A book bag was slung over his shoulder and his whole outfit was covered with a black trench coat that flapped about his legs as he strode the rest of the way into the room.

He stared at her coldly, his expression blank and emotionless. This was Aoshi, the guy who was supposed to tutor her in world history. He was a senior, he had very little money and that was all any one knew about him. He kept mostly to himself, had no friends and didn't seem to care.

Aoshi looked at Misao where she lay on the floor. Her outfit was pure American Eagle; tight, fitted jeans, a red top and leather jacket. She had expensive sneakers, a matching jewelry set and a pained expression on her face. Her dark hair was pulled back in a messy braid and he wondered why she didn't do something fancier with it. She did have money, after all.

"Are you just going to lay there?" He asked dully, setting his book bag on the table, "Or are we going to work?"

"You could at least help me up, can't you?" She raged, "What kinda guy are you? Don't you know who I am??"

"Of course I know." He replied evenly, "You're the rich little brat who lets Daddy take care of everything. You got yourself down there; I'm not helping you up."

Her eyes widened for a moment. No one had ever spoken to her like that before. No one! She was loved and feared by all. "How dare you!? I could-"

"You could what? Fail history and repeat the tenth grade? I don't have all afternoon. Are you going to get up or what?"

"I hate you…" She grumbled as she climbed up off the floor and picked the chair up. "This is such a waste of my time. And I'm going to ruin my reputation, hanging around with a loser like you."

He blinked. "I don't particularly want to be here either, you know." He said dryly as he pulled a notebook from his bag. "I'm only here for National Honor Society. They wanted me to do it so I said yes. But I'd rather not waste my afternoons with you."

Her face flushed red with anger and her eyes narrowed. "Waste!? I'm doing you a favor, poor boy! This will help boost your image, you know. If people see you with me, it'll be great for you, but a disaster for me!"

"I could care less about my image. What are you studying?"

She glared at him as she dug around in her backpack for her notes and text book. She wasn't very scholarly and most of her notes -what few she took- were scribbles on lose sheets of paper and stuffed randomly into the bag. She finally came up with a crumpled piece of paper and a leaking pen. "Umm…"

"Don't you even know?" He rolled his eyes, "How did you make it this far? Did they pay for you to pass grades? I mean, you couldn't have possibly come this far without a bribe of some kind."

"Oh shut up already and teach me this crap so I can leave." She snapped.

Smirking, he opened his notebook. "Well, do you know…?"

She sighed.

This would be hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Lessons Well Learned

  
By Violet Ice

--------------

"So, how did it go?"

Aoshi looked up from his physics notes, taking in the face of the boy before him. He rolled his eyes, causing an annoyed expression to cross Kamatari's face. "What? It was a simple enough question. All of us know you were tutoring her, so just tell me." He leaned over the desk, his face inches away from Aoshi's.

"Get away from me." The sullen boy grumbled. He hated having Kamatari hanging around him; the other boy was just too bizarre. Kamatari was so damn pretty, it made Aoshi want to barf. Dressed that day in a long, flowing skirt, turquoise top and a dark brown corduroy jacket, the boy not only looked like a girl, but like he'd gotten stuck somehow in a sixties time warp.

"Oh, come on. Is she really as bratty as she looks?" Kamatari twisted a short lock of hair around his finger as he regarded Aoshi, his brown eyes wide with curiosity. 

"She's terrible." The other teen finally confessed, "Bad beyond your wildest dreams. She wouldn't stop bragging about how rich she is, yet she's incredibly stupid. She didn't know anything."

"Gee, musta been - Eep!" A squeal escaped the boy's mouth mid-sentence and he straightened up, a scandalized look on his face. "Miru!" He knew who the perpetrator was without even turning around. "How many times do I have to tell you not to-"

"Ah, don't tell me you don't like it…It was just a little slap on your ass." Miru grinned wickedly, toying with the silver hoop in his ear, "Any other time and you'd be _begging _for more."

Kamatari, for once, was speechless. He glared at Miru, his eyes narrowed down to slits. "Will you shut up already??" He hissed, "People are looking at us funny!" 

"So what? Not like they don't know already…I mean, look at you, hot stuff, all decked out in that hippie get-up. Makes you mighty tempting. Especially since you were leaned over like that and-"

"Okay, okay! I get the idea. Now stop it!" Red-faced and flustered, Kamatari turned back to Aoshi, "Now gimme the dirt."

Aoshi stared at him for a moment, then looked at Miru. He was a dark-haired boy of seventeen, tough as nails, dark and angst-ridden. He wore his some-what wavy hair back in a loose ponytail, always looked like he needed a nap, and had an earring in his left ear. His wardrobe could be summed up in one word: black. He always looked drab, dreary and foreboding, no matter what. One would think he and Aoshi were alike until Miru opened his mouth. The first word out would indicate there was a world of difference between the two.

"What are you gossiping about now, you loud mouth?" Miru tugged playfully on Kamatari's hair, begging for some one to pay attention to him. He liked being in the spotlight, hence his loud, unconcerned attitude.

"Aoshi was trying to tell me about his tutoring session until you came along and disrupted it." Kamatari stuck out his tongue at Miru, his mouth curving upwards in a smile. It didn't matter how many times he reproved his friend; Miru would always be Miru and he would always butt into everything. But that was all part of why he liked him.

"Oh, spill it, ice boy." Miru crowded around the desk, just as curious as his companion, "I wanna know too!" He pushed Kamatari to the side, causing the pretty-boy to grumble slightly.

Aoshi shrugged. "There's not much to tell. She's a snob and she's not very smart." He looked back down at his notebook, indicating that the conversation was over and he would say no more.

"He ain't saying no more." Miru glanced at Kamatari, "So how about you give me some attention now?" 

A smile flickered across Kamatari's face as his brown eyes met Miru's black ones. He took in the younger boy's pale face, that brazen smile, the self-assured expression. He brushed back a loose strand of hair from Miru's face. "Let's go look over your French work, make sure you did it right."

Aoshi watched over the rim of his glasses as they disappeared, then looked back down at his work. He had done it at home, of course, but was double-checking his answers. Miru and Kamatari were quite the pair; one dark and dreary, the other flashy and flirty. Sometimes the quiet young man wondered how intimate their relationship was, but he supposed it was better that some things go unknown.

Why had they been so curious about Misao? Any one could easily see exactly what she was like; there was no depth to a person like her. She was so shallow, so transparent. How could any one be concerned with some one like her who didn't give a shit about any one else? Why would they care? She was the most stupid person he had ever met.

But then…Maybe there was more to her than appeared on the surface. Maybe there was something under all that makeup and name-brand logos. She had challenged him a lot, opposing nearly everything he said. Maybe there was a brain rattling around in that head of hers. Maybe…Snorting to himself, he shook his head. She was as transparent as a piece of glass.

-----------

"So, like, how did it go?"

Misao nearly spilled her bottle of nail polish. She glanced up sharply at Kaoru, who had asked the question. Her friend was looking at her curiously, her blue eyes lit with curiosity. "Come on; what happened? You wouldn't talk about it yesterday…"

"He's a jerk." Misao muttered, "He's a damn jerk." She stared at her thumbnail, willing the sparkly nail polish to dry faster.

"What'd he do?" Kaoru sank down into the seat next to Misao's, pulling her long, dark hair into a ponytail.

"He insulted me! He did nothing but insult me the whole time! I mean look at him and look at me and tell me who should be doing the insulting. He doesn't seem to know his place, that damned idiot. It was such a waste of my time. I didn't learn anything but how much he pisses me off."

"Sounds like a blast." Kaoru rolled her eyes. She and Misao were the best of friends and had been ever since Misao's mom got remarried and they moved into Kaoru's neighborhood. They stuck by one another through thick and thin. When Kaoru hated somebody, Misao hated them as well. When Misao was pissed about something, Kaoru was pissed as well.

"He was uppity with me and I didn't like it. He seemed to forget that I'm the one with money and that he's the one that's poor."

"What's he like, besides a jerk? Nobody knows anything about him…He looks so dangerous. You hear about all those people who, like, shoot up their school and he looks like one of those people, ya know."

"Well, I don't know any more than I already did. Why do you care? I hate him and you should too. But," Misao paused, "If you really want to know, ask Meibi. That disgusting brother of hers is always following him around and they _do _come from the same social circle."

"Like I would go anywhere near Meibi. She always looks so scruffy and gross. Look at her over their, in her torn jeans and her hand-me-down clothes. Retro is in style, but not when the clothes are things that have been passed down again and again. And why a Colt foRty-5* shirt? They haven't been popular in, like, 10 years. " 

"I bet she can't afford to get anything new…"

"Let's ask 'er about Aoshi. I bet she'd know something." Kaoru exclaimed. "Hey, Meibi!"

"Yeah?" Meibi asked distractedly, not bothering to look up from her math homework, which she was hurriedly trying to finish before first period began.

"No! No; you can't associate her with us!" Misao shrieked, tugging on her friend's sleeve, "I will not have myself associated with the likes of _her_."

"Fine, whatever." Kaoru slid back into the seat without even telling the other girl to never mind and go back to her work.

Meibi's gaze dropped back down to her text book. It was times like those that she was glad her mass of bangs covered half her face so know one could see she was on the verge of tears. She hated the reputation that came from being related to Miru. She cursed her father for marrying Miru's mother. Cursed Miru's mother for having Miru. Cursed the world that let people brand her as a misfit because of Miru. Then she cursed herself for being so weak as to let them all affect her.

Kaoru glanced furtively over at Meibi, taking in her shock of dark hair with its brilliant pink streaks. She knew that Meibi and Miru were nothing alike and that Meibi was smarter than her step-brother and she felt sorry for the girl. But Misao didn't like her and Misao's word was law.

Meibi knew Kaoru was looking at her. She didn't really care either. Kaoru and Misao could just kiss her ass. Damned if they knew anything about her or anything she went through. So why bother caring what they thought?

Sometimes, it was hard not to.

Misao put the finishing touches on her nails, screwed the cap back on the bottle and leaned back in her chair. She admired her nails -flawless- then pulled a mirror out of her purse to make sure her make-up was okay. 

Meibi stared at her hands, her fingers blurring as tears filled her eyes. What she wouldn't give to have one day go by without a snide comment about her family's financial status. _What I wouldn't give to see some one embarrass her…That would teach her. A lesson she'd never forget…_Evil thoughts filled her mind as she plotted the demise of the school's most fashionable student. She would never go through with any of her plans, of course, but dreaming was nice.

Her train of thought, however, was interrupted as the morning announcements began. Then the a silence fell over the whole classroom and nothing mattered any more but fractions and decimals and multiplying the two.

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*Colt foRty-5 was something I thought would be a good name for a band. I have a whole list of names for fictional bands at home, but that was the one I could remember off the top of my head. Well, that and Cheetah Dreams or Bags of Ice, but I thought Colt foRty-5 sounded the best in this situation.


	3. Chapter 3

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice

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Lunch time: the one time of the day when high school students can break away from conformity and totally be themselves. Aoshi plopped himself in his usual seat in a back corner of the cafeteria, trying to blend into the walls and become invisible while he read Pride and Prejudice for his English class. He was already farther into the book than he needed to be, but he had nothing better to do, so why not read on? Work was a good way to escape the noisy idiots around him.

His eyes rolled heaven-ward when he heard a scuffle break out somewhere behind him. Miru couldn't seem to go a day without causing a fight of some sort. Usually, these fights were over Kamatari's reputation -Miru didn't care what any one said about himself, but he would defend Kamatari to the death- and today was no different.

"Knock off the damn crying, would ya?" Miru demanded as he shoved the young transvestite down into a chair. Kamatari was in tears and in no way trying to control his emotions. "None of the shit they were saying is true and you know I can't stand it when you cry, so shut up!" Miru's fingers clenched tightly around his friend's arm as he glared down at him.

Kamatari whimpered slightly as he attempted to brush away the tears with his other hand. "I'm sorry-" He began, but Miru cut him off.

"And don't apologize!" He glowered as he released Kamatari's arm and stormed back to through the sea of students in search of something to eat.

"Why do you let him treat you like that?" Aoshi's voice was noncommittal and he didn't even bother to look up from the book as he asked the question.

Kamatari rested his head on the table, his voice muffled by the fabric of his jacket. "Because." He sniffled without elaborating on this reply.

"Because isn't an answer." Came the dry response.

"You wouldn't understand." How could Aoshi possibly understand? He didn't know Miru at all. 

"You don't deserve all the shit he gives you."

"There's more to Miru than all the shit." Kamatari responded quietly, "He treats me better than most people do. You just don't understand." He fiddled with one of his bracelets, his eyes still swimming with tears, "No one understands."

Aoshi shrugged. It really wasn't any of his business, after all. What the two of them did didn't matter. None of it mattered. He would be out of there soon and never have to see any of them again, so why get involved? 

Sighing, Kamatari buried his face in his hands. He hated school, hated the people at the school, hated everything about the place except Miru. How could he hate the one person who made him feel special and pretty? Even when Miru yelled at him…He could not bring himself to hate him.

"Look, I'm sorry." Miru said grudgingly when he appeared back at the table with a lunch tray. "I wasn't mad at you…I just don't know what to do with you when you get like that, ya know? So don't cry. I was mad at every one else, not you."

The other boy's head rose and he looked at Miru, his eyes red and wet. "You mean it?" He whispered.

A cocky smile crossed Miru's face as he began poking at what looked like a plate of spaghetti. "Course I mean it, hot stuff. You're my 'girl', right? How could I get mad at you? It's every one else that's full of problems, ya know."

A smile tugged the corners of Kamatari's mouth upwards and he wiped his eyes again. "Yeah, I know." How could he not know? Miru made him want to melt into his chair every time he so much as looked at him.

"And, here, I didn't forget to get you something." He handed Kamatari a Nutty Sundae Cone, to which the other boy squealed excitedly.

"Thanks so much, Miru!" He exclaimed enthusiastically as he peeled off the wrapper.

"So, Aoshi," Miru turned his attention to the forgotten young man, "When's the next tutoring session scheduled for?"

Aoshi glanced up briefly from the book. "Oh, probably never. She'll complain to every one under the sun and her father will just pay for her to pass world history like he's paid for her to pass everything else. But it doesn't concern me."

"I suppose not…" 

"But?"

"I didn't say anything else."

"But?" Aoshi pressed. Any time Miru trailed off, it meant he hadn't completed a thought. He wanted to say something else, but was unsure what Aoshi's reaction would be.

"Don't you wonder? I mean, don't you wonder what she's really like? Look at us all. None of us are what we seem. My pretty one over here, for example." He jerked his thumb over in Kamatari's direction, "If you hadn't know him for so long, you'd think he was a girl, right? Every one has things they hide. I'd love to get inside her brain and find all the hidden things about her." He waved a straw wrapper around as he spoke, "I'd love to tear her to little pieces, show her she's really not so great."

"You are too kind, Miru." Aoshi said sardonically. He wondered a lot about how complicated the boy was. Here was some one who gave off a "I'm too cool for you image" yet he had been unnerved at the sight of Kamatari in tears. Miru talked big, but Aoshi knew he was just as insecure as every one else. Then he looked back down at the book, zoning out the world around him.

Miru looked at Kamatari. "You're looking pretty good today." His eyebrows rose and a grin spread across his face, "You coming over after school?" 

Kamatari blushed lightly, again twisting the same bracelet around his thin wrist. "What will we be doing?" He asked casually. Sometimes Miru wanted things he himself didn't particularly want. 

"Homework." 

"Homework?" Kamatari repeated listlessly. He highly doubted that anything they planned on doing would lead to homework. They would start something, but they would always wind up cuddled up together on the couch and Miru would be surprisingly subdued and the whole thing would leave Kamatari feeling somewhat depressed.

"Look, I feel bad about yelling at you. I just want to spend some time with you." He reached over, his hand brushing against Kamatari's, "You know I hate upsetting you." His voice was strained; his expression one of discomfort, as if he couldn't stand saying those words in a public place.

Kamatari's face darkened and he looked away. "You don't have to do this, Miru. You don't have to let down the walls here and now. And you don't have to pretend." He swallowed, blinking back the remnants of his tears, "Don't pretend you're sorry. You know I'd come anyway. So don't try to-"

"Dammit! Why do you always do this? I can never freaking apologize to you! You always make me feel bad, dammit!" His expression twisted even more and his fist pounded against the table. "Why can't you ever just let me apologize?"

"Miru…" Kamatari's eyes brimmed with tears, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…Really, I didn't." 

"Oh, shit. Don't start with the crying again. Shit; don't do that. I can't handle it. What are you trying to do to me, Kamatari?" Miru growled, "Why don't you just drop it? Can't you ever stop? God, we're in public. Get a grip."

Sniffling, Kamatari wiped his nose. He wanted to crawl under the table and die. It was embarrassing crying like that -especially in front of Miru, whom he wanted to be nothing but strong for- and he was ashamed of himself. Were they alone together, curled up on that shabby couch, Miru would hold him and tell him it was okay to cry…But now, he could just die.

"What is _he _so worked up about?" 

All three boys looked up as Meibi settled herself at the table with her lunch tray. She looked scornfully at Kamatari and Miru, brushing her pink bangs from her eyes. Then she began doing exactly what her step-brother had -- poking at the would-be spaghetti. "Are you two idiots fighting over something stupid again?"

"Can it, Mei." Miru grumbled, "It's been a tough day so far, so you leave Kamatari alone."

"What; did he break a nail?" Had any one been able to see her face under all her hair, they would have seen her rolling her eyes. She didn't care much for either her step-brother or his significant other, and wasn't afraid of letting them know it.

"Shut up! Shut up; you don't know anything. You're just as frickin' bad as every one else." Miru snapped, "Meibi, you don't understand a damn thing. You shouldn't be saying crap like that when you don't even know what happened."

Kamatari looked down at the table. Meibi was so mean to him and he hated it. He hadn't ever done a thing to her, but she always treated him like dirt. He would have loved to be her friend; she seemed like a fun girl and they could go shopping and stuff together. But no, she seemed to hate him. _I wish she were nicer to me. I wish she and Miru got a long better. I wish- _

He looked up, startled, when he felt Miru's hand on his shoulder. "Don't be so bummed out, Kiddo. I like ya best when you're smiling, y'know."

He smiled slightly, feeling a little happier. No matter how much of a jerk Miru seemed to be…

"Hey, Aoshi, heard about last night. How did it go?" Meibi turned her attention away from the two homosexual boys and looked at Aoshi, who's nose was still buried in the book.

"Terrible."

"Terrible?"

"Terrible. She wouldn't listen to a thing I had to say, the little brat. And she wasn't at all glad that I gave up my free time to help her either. Just told me it was a waste of her time and she'd rather be any where else." He said calmly, turning another page.

"Will you keep going?" Meibi began shoveling in her lunch. She had some biology homework to finish and there was nothing like waiting until the last minute. She went by the idea that she worked better under pressure.

"I'll go as long as they ask me to. It's really no concern of mine if she passes or fails, but if they want me to keep wasting my time, I guess I have no choice." He closed the book and took off his reading glasses. "It doesn't matter what I want, does it? In the end, I always wind up doing what they want any way." He looked evenly at Meibi, taking in her face, expressionless and hidden under her shaggy hair. 

"I suppose not. Us poor people can't fight the rich, can we?" She slurped in the last of the spaghetti, then shoved her tray out of the way, pulled her biology book out of her bag and flipped through it. Her pencil flew across the page, her scrawl thick and dark, her letters loopy. "And she's such an ugly little bugger too, so hateful and mean."

For a moment, all Aoshi could do was stare at Meibi as her words rattled around in his mind. Was that what this word called "ugly" meant? Was it really something that had to do with what was on the inside and not the outside? He had never thought about it before, but God, she was very ugly to know. Behind the pretty exterior, Misao was an incredibly ugly girl.

Speak of the devil.

Misao's voice rose loud above the crowd, drowning out the din in the cafeteria. She was shrieking about something or another, yelling at the lunch lady, calling her stupid and worthless. Here was another example of her ugliness: Misao was not a pleasant sight to behold when angry. Her face was red; lose strands of hair falling in her eyes, in which a storm raged. She waved her arms around as she yelled, as if that would help emphasize her point.

Miru rolled his eyes. "Somebody should shut her up. Just because she's loaded doesn't mean she should be able to throw a tantrum like the squirt does. I mean, even he can't get away with behavior like that and he's only three."

In one fluid movement, Aoshi rose from his seat and strode away from the table towards the angry girl. The other three watched curiously as he strolled purposefully over to Misao and Kaoru; as he grabbed the younger of the two by the arm, causing her to stop mid-rant. 

"Will you stop screaming?" He asked coolly, never loosening his hold on her arm.

"Let me go!" She hissed, her eyes narrowing down the moment she realized who had interrupted her tirade. 

"Not until you stop the childish yelling." He replied evenly, his icy blue eyes meeting hers and burning into them.

"Childish? _Childish?!_" She raged even more, yanking her arm from his grasp, "How dare you?? Get away from me or I'll have you arrested for harassment!"

"Whoa…Misao, calm down." Kaoru grabbed her other arm, "Forget about him; he's not worth it anyway. Don't even waste your time on him." She pulled her friend away, dragging her -much to Misao's protest- off in the other direction.

Aoshi's dark gaze slid along behind them as they retreated. The crowd parted to allow Misao through and the entire cafeteria had fallen silent. He sighed as he returned to his own seat, knowing the situation would not resolve itself.


	4. Chapter 4

Lessons Well Learned

By Violet Ice

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"I cannot believe…Why would he…Oh, I could _kill _him."

Kaoru followed Misao out of the school building when the bell rang at two-fifty. Three hours had passed since the confrontation in the cafeteria and Misao was still livid. At times like these, Kaoru had learned early on, it was best to let the anger runs its course and not try to interfere. So she had listened all afternoon to her friend's grumbling, not saying a word one way or another.

Now she was about ready to explode.

Her mouth opened so she could put her two cents in as she hurried behind Misao, her ponytail bouncing in time with her step. She was really going to let Misao have it and she didn't care what happened. Too be sulking over something so minute was just pointless and she didn't think she could stand another minute of her friend's grousing.

She never got her chance to talk though because her train of thought was derailed when they rounded a corner to see a group of senior boys gathered in a crowd near a couple of trash cans.

"I hate him so - hey, I wonder what's going on over there." Misao's mood suddenly lightened and she jerked her head over in the direction of the cluster of boys.

"I dunno…" Kaoru's brow furrowed, "Hey, wait a minute!" Misao had taken off across the parking lot in an attempt to find out what exactly was going down.

Pushing her way between two big, muscular jocks, Misao was only somewhat surprised to see Kamatari in the center of the circle, his book bag clutched up to his chest, a terrified look on his face. His thin body was visibly shaking with fear and he looked ready to burst into tears, but there was also a certain determination and pride in his eyes as they taunted him.

"Not so tough without your buddy here, are ya?" One of them snorted out, "Nothing at all with that damned Miru around. How many nasty diseases have you given one another, hmm?" 

A second one grabbed for Kamatari, causing him to step back into a wall, only to realize there was nowhere for him to run to. _Shit, I'm in trouble…They're going to beat me up, all because I'm a little different. They're going to beat me up and leave me here for dead and no one will help because they don't care and then who's going to look after Miru?_ His eyes squeezed shut and he cringed, preparing for the blows that were to come. 

This was nothing new; he'd been putting up with jock beatings most of his teenage years. They didn't want to understand him. They couldn't understand him. Whatever it was; they simply did not understand. He minded his own business, never went near them, but that didn't seem to be enough. Even though he knew his place was at the bottom of the social ladder with all the other misfits, they didn't care. It was their goal to destroy every little shred of his happiness, to make Miru suffer as well.

Misao's eyes widened slightly as she watched the first boy shove Kamatari. She knew well enough who and what he was, but something snapped in her mind as the would-be girl stumbled backwards, tears rolling silently down his cheeks. What the hell were they doing, picking on some one completely defenseless like that? What kind of idiots were these guys? It never crossed her mind, even as these thoughts were present in her stream of consciousness, that she was doing the same thing.

"Kamatari!" A great black streak suddenly came flying across the lot and tore through the tight circle of jocks. Miru was fighting his way through, pushing whoever needed to be pushed, not caring who was in his way. He was hitting, fighting dirty, it didn't matter, so long as Kamatari was okay. "Get out of here! Get the hell out of here, you damn jocks. Leave him ALONE!" He roared, stepping between Kamatari and the three or four boys who hadn't backed down. Most people knew better than to get in Miru's way when he was angry. Most people knew better than to mess with Kamatari when Miru was around.

The jocks were stupider than most people.

There were a tense few moments as the guys all stared at one another, then the bullies lumbered away. None of them really wanted to face the wrath of Miru and, anyway, this game was more fun when it was just Kamatari to pick on.

Misao watched, wide-eyed, yet trying to look unconcerned as Miru grabbed Kamatari by the shoulders. "Are you all right? Did they hurt you?" The transvestite just stared at him, a dazed expression on his face. He had to be given credit - for once, he didn't cry. He simply fell into Miru's arms, his face buried in his shoulder, and Miru hugged him tightly, his chin resting on the top of Kamatari's head as he told him he was sorry, that it was his fault because he was late leaving and Kamatari shouldn't have waited for him.

"Misao? Come on, we should go." Kaoru tapped Misao on the shoulder, "You wanted to go to the mall, remember? Let's go."

"Can…" Misao's braid quivered down her back and her head bowed slightly. What had she just witnessed? Was that what it was like to have some one truly care about you? That they would fight for you even when the odds were hopeless and then they would take you in their arms and tell you it would all be okay? She didn't think, in all of her sixteen years, that any one had ever done anything like that for her. "I want to just go home. I don't feel like shopping."

"Okay…Are you sure? There's supposed to be that great sale today and-"

"I want to go home!"

"All right; don't yell. C'mon." Kaoru hoisted her bag up on her shoulder and started across the parking lot towards her car. "When are you going to get your license? Your car is so much nicer than mine is."

"Of course it is. It's brand new. Only been taken for test drives. And I'll get my license as soon as I can. I just got my learner's permit yesterday, remember?" She snapped as she flounced along behind Kaoru. 

Kaoru unlocked the doors to her pink Sunfire, but instead of getting in, Misao glanced back over her shoulder again. Miru was still holding Kamatari tightly in his embrace, still keeping him safe from harm. _What is it like to have some one care so much…?_

"Are you getting in or what?" Kaoru questioned.

"Yeah, whatever." Misao pulled the door open and slid inside.

----

"Crap."

Meibi was running late. She had to get home immediately so her step-mother could pawn Mitsu off on her and get to work. Her literature teacher had kept her after class and now she was hurriedly digging through her locker, trying to find the book she'd never bothered to read for said class. 

The book was nowhere to be found.

She tried to remember the last time she had seen it. When had that been? They'd been assigned that novel several weeks ago and what had she done with it? _I took it home…Read, like, the first page, left it…Damn it all! It's already at home!_

Slamming her locker shut and giving the latch a tug to make sure it was locked, she tore off down the hall. It was the same thing every day. "Be home by three-thirty and watch your brother because I need to get to work." Never mind that Miru was home nearly every weekday and that he could easily take care of Mitsu. Never mind that Meibi hardly ever had any time to herself. Never mind that taking care of her half-brother should not have been her responsibility. 

She knew when she got home, Miru would be there. Miru would be there and it was likely Kamatari would be also. But his mother would never ask the boys to watch Mitsu, for fear of them "giving him gay" as she so tactlessly put it. This was a shame too, since Kamatari and Mitsu got along quite well. The little boy loved when his brother's "girlfriend" would play with him. Kamatari loved children and had dreams of someday working with them, but he knew as long as he felt about himself the way he did, this was virtually impossible. No parent would want some one like him spending large quantities of time with their child.

Meibi was practically sprinting down the hall. Shinju would be angry with her. She hated being late for work and hated when Meibi was late getting home. She wished her father had never married that woman, wished they weren't a "family." That was a load of shit and all of them knew it. No matter how much Daddy and Shinju tried, they would never be a family. Having Mitsu hadn't made it any better. If anything, the toddler made it worse. 

"Hey, watch it!" Some one exclaimed as she pushed past them. She wasn't paying much attention to where she was going; she was in such a hurry.

"Meibi."

She slowed a little at the sound of her name. Aoshi was just stepping out of the library and he had seen her whirl of pink hair hurrying by. "Can't stop and talk. Got to get home to the brat." She called over her shoulder.

"Wait; Meibi, I can give you a ride." He caught her by the arm as she continued on down the hall. "Come on, this way. I'm parked out back."

"God, thanks, Aoshi. I'm gonna be in deep shit if I'm not back on time." She followed behind him, trying to match his long strides. He was a good foot or so taller than she was and he walked a considerable amount faster. "And it isn't my fault for once. Sensei kept me after…"

"What didn't you do this time?" He looked over his shoulder at her, wondering why she let her grades slide the way she did. Meibi was smart. She should have been working just as hard as him to get out of there after she graduated. 

"I kinda didn't read…" She smiled sheepishly, "…A whole book." 

He shook his head, thinking she had to be crazy. What a huge waste of brains. "What's the big hurry? Didn't Miru go right home?"

"Oh, Miru never has to take care of the kid." Underneath her curtain of hair, her eyes were rolling. "His mother won't leave him alone with Mitsu, especially not if Kamatari is over. She thinks they're both repulsive."

"And you think so as well."

"I never said that!" She defended herself. "I just think the way they are with one another is disgusting. Miru doesn't really care about him. He doesn't give a shit about any one but himself. All he wants Kamatari around for is to make him feel good. He's clever, Miru is…He knows all the right things to say, all the right things to do to keep Kamatari happy."

"Do you ever think maybe he does that stuff because he really does care?" Aoshi looked over his shoulder at her as he tugged open the passenger side door on his dumpy old car, "Maybe there's more to Miru than we all think. He's not just a wise-ass, Meibi. I've seen him do things most people wouldn't have the balls to do."

Meibi peered through her bangs, trying to distinguish whether he was being serious or not. His usual deadpan expression was played across his face and his voice was as cool and level as always. "Whatever. I still think he's just using Kamatari. And I know he'll be heartbroken when he finds out."

Aoshi said nothing more, just slid in behind the steering wheel. Meibi was wrong about Miru. He was respectable, even if he acted like an insensitive jerk most of the time. Aoshi had seen him come to Kamatari's rescue numerous times and why would he do that if he didn't really care? He was forever beating on the people who tried to destroy Kamatari's reputation and spread the nasty rumors about the two of them. Why would he throw away his own reputation for some one else's if he didn't care?

He eased the car out of the half-empty parking lot, hoping it would make it home. He never knew when the fifteen-year-old car would give out on him. But if Meibi got in trouble and it was his responsibility, he would never forgive himself.

"Look, there's the indomitable duo." Meibi said sarcastically, inclining her head towards Kamatari and Miru, who were walking down the sidewalk together. Miru had an arm around Kamatari, who was dragging his book bag behind him. 

"You want to stop and pick them up?" Aoshi asked quietly.

"No. They don't need to be home for any reason. They can walk." She slumped down in her seat, feeling rather disgruntled, wishing she didn't have a care in the world or any responsibility. If only she could throw it all away…If she could be as free as Misao…That girl had her head in the clouds. She needed a good reality check. 

"Are you all right?" Aoshi's eyes were glued to the road, even as he asked Meibi the question.

"You ever wish you could be as ignorant as Misao is?" She asked slowly, "Do you ever wish you had that much money and you could just ignore things you didn't want to deal with? I wish I could just pretend they weren't there, Miru, Shinju and Mitsu…I wish they would just disappear. Everything was different after Dad married her…Everything got bad." She stared at her hands, "I used to be happy…"

Aoshi stared straight ahead, unsure of what to say to this. Meibi was a drama queen at times, so he wasn't sure how much she actually bought in to what she was saying. She seemed so bleak at times. He sighed. She needed to get over herself and think about what would be best for them all in the long run. 

Sometimes, you just couldn't be happy.

No matter what. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice

-------

The old gray couch; Miru's most prized possession. That couch had been his safe haven all his life. When he was little and Mama was mad at him, he's cry behind it. As he got older, it was his constant companion; where he slept, where he ate, where he did homework, where he was any time he was home. It was the place he had been when he told his mother he was gay, the place he had had his first kiss, the place he had sat the first time he cried since he was a small child…

It was the place he and Kamatari always inadvertently wound up.

Arriving back at the small house, Miru led his friend directly into the den, and settled him on the couch. Then he disappeared off into the kitchen in search of a snack. Meibi would be busy with Mitsu for at least an hour before he went down for his nap, so they would have that much time uninterrupted…He rummaged through the refrigerator, looking for a suitable snack, something that Kamatari would really like.

The other boy was still visibly shaken after his ordeal that afternoon. He was sitting on the sofa, his knees drawn up to his chest, a pillow in his arms, when Miru returned. His brown eyes were wide and he stared at a picture on the wall, seeming to look right through it. 

The dark-haired teen set down the bag of cheesy popcorn he found in the cupboard and sat beside Kamatari, looking at him seriously. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked quietly.

Kamatari looked over at him, his eyes full of anguish. "Can I cry now?" He whispered softly, his voice trembling.

There was silence for a moment, then Miru's chin began to waver. His dark eyes swam with tears and Kamatari knew in a minute he would have his companion sobbing in his arms. This was the only place where Miru felt comfortable enough to cry, no matter how upset he was. "We…We can both cry now." He managed to squeak out, "We're safe now…"

"Oh Miru…" It wasn't that he'd never seen Miru cry before. It was that he knew it was his fault that Miru needed to cry. He hated knowing it was his fault that his friend was angry or hurting. He hated to see all those black eyes and bruises from the fights on his behalf. It tore up his heart, knowing that if it weren't for him, Miru's life would be somewhat normal. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he pulled Miru into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to make you cry. It's my fault. I always make you cry. If I weren't like this, you-"

"If you ever say that again, I'll bash your head in." Miru's whole body shook as he began to cry into Kamatari's chest. "None of what they do to you is your fault and I don't fight all those battles for some one else. Only you. I wasn't fighting for the person every one thinks you should be. I was fighting for the person that you are."

Kamatari wasn't quite sure what he should say to that. Nothing seemed adequate. He never knew what would come out of Miru's mouth when he was feeling secure in himself. All uncertainty seemed to disappear when they were alone on that couch together. Miru would say whatever was in his heart, whether it was endearing or not.

"I was so afraid…When I saw them there I knew they were doing something to you. You always wait there for me and I knew…I was scared. Shit, I was so damn scared. I hate that helpless, terrified feeling. I'm always afraid that I'll lose you someday."

"You're not going to lose me." Kamatari buried his face in Miru's hair, inhaling the smell of his shampoo, wanting to hold him forever; this was how it always was. The desperate clinging, the holding, the wild look in the other boy's eyes; it was always the same. There was so much to Miru that no one else ever saw.

"Why didn't you cry? Why didn't you cry, Kamatari? Why the hell don't you ever fight back? You just stand there and let them hurt you…" Miru moved his head slightly, his fingers running lightly across Kamatari's arm where a nasty purplish bruise was spreading. Closing his eyes, he could picture one of those pathetic excuses for a human grabbing him there, yanking on his arm, pushing him down to the ground. It made him so angry; made his blood boil in his veins…

"You don't want me to cry. And I have my pride, Miru. Why would I waste my tears on the people who don't give a shit if I lived or die? Why should I give them the satisfaction of knowing that they're hurting me? Why the hell would you want me to cry when you tell me not to? What do you want me to do, Miru?"

"…Are you angry with me?" Miru's voice was muffled, his face still pressed up against his friend's shirt, "I hate when you're angry…But when they do that to you…I don't know what to do any more. Everything stops and nothing matters but you. And I feel so damn helpless, because I can't always protect you from all that hatred."

"You try your best." Kamatari's hand was running along Miru's hair, stroking his ponytail, his mane smooth and shiny. Just touching him, knowing he was able to be so close to the one person who mattered more than anything in the world…Nothing else mattered right then.

"My best isn't good enough. They still make you hurt. I can't keep bad things from happening to you."

"I never asked you to keep bad things from happening to me. I only asked you to stick by my side."

Miru felt fingers caressing his cheek. He wanted to curl up in a little ball and just stay forever in Kamatari's lap. Never mind the couch. It was in his friend's arms that he felt the safest. His inky eyes turned upwards, taking in his companion's tear streaked face, dark eyes meeting those of Kamatari, staring, burning into them, heavy with lust. "I'll always be by your side."

Kamatari smiled sadly, brushing back a strand of Miru's hair. 

Somehow, he already knew that.

---------

Misao was staring out the window. Kaoru had stopped to get gas on the way home and there seemed to be a lot of people at the gas station. They were only one of the cars waiting to get to a pump; several other people sat in their cars looking as dissatisfied as she felt.

Kaoru was drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, humming along to the song on the radio. She didn't seem too upset about the wait; in fact, she appeared to be enjoying herself.

For once, there was a lot going on in Misao's mind that didn't involve boys or fashion. What she had seen in the parking lot, it wasn't as lost on her as one would think. Something valuable had been left in her mind after witnessing that event; some little shred of wisdom. The gears were set in motion and there was no stopping them now.

"Kaoru?"

"Hmm?" Kaoru stopped mid-hum and turned to look at her friend. Misao still stared out the window, her back to Kaoru.

"If something like that happened to me," She began slowly, "What would you do?"

"Something like what?"

"Like what those guys were doing to Kamatari." Misao squirmed a little, knowing this kind of thing wasn't what she and Kaoru usually talked about. Their conversations were never anything personal or deep, just the superficial things people who didn't know each other well discussed. "If people were trying to hurt me like that, what would you do?"

There was silence for a long time, then Kaoru inched the car forwards and pulled up to a pump. She shut off the ignition, got out of the car and began to fill the tank without bothering to answer the question. She knew that Misao would be angry for ignoring her and not answering the question, but…

It's not that she didn't want to answer. 

She didn't know how to answer. 

"Don't ignore me!" Misao pushed open the door and climbed out of the car, slamming it shut behind her. "I asked you a question!"

Kaoru's brow furrowed. "What do you want me to say, Misao? What kind of answer would make you happy? I sure as hell wouldn't want to find myself in the middle of that crowd. I think, to be honest, I would be too scared to do anything. I would just go my own way and let you fend for yourself."

"You'd WHAT?!" Misao's blue eyes widened as she stared aghast at Kaoru. She stepped back as if some one had slapped her, the words rattling around in her mind, as Kaoru continued to speak.

"Is that not the right answer? Isn't that what you wanted to hear, the truth? Or do you want me to make up the same little lies that every one else does to cushion you from cold reality? Of course I'd come to your rescue…I'd let myself get all beaten up for somebody who doesn't care if I live or die. Somebody who could replace me with the snap of a finger because all her so-called friends love her for is her money. You'd _want _me to get hurt, so long as you didn't break a nail, wouldn't you?"

"What are you…?" Confusion was creeping through Misao's mind. How had this gone so badly? Was this how Kaoru really felt about her? Where had the hatred come from? She felt numb. _I know nothing about my own best friend…_

"You just stood there, Misao! You could have done something! You could see that they were hurting him! And you just watched!" Kaoru was practically screaming now, her voice shrill and strained, "You didn't do anything!"

"Neither did you!" 

"I couldn't even see what they were doing! You're the one who pushed your way through there to see what the hell was going on, then just stood there gaping. You didn't even tell them to stop. God, they could have killed him and _you were watching_!"

"Shut up! Shut up!! I don't need this from you! I'm leaving!"

"What; can't handle the truth? Now you see why every one only tells you lies, don't you?" Kaoru didn't even realize what she was doing until the gas nearly overflowed all over her feet and Misao was halfway across the gas station, storming off like she said she would. "Dammit all, she's really leaving…"

---------

Aoshi had dropped Meibi off and was headed back across town to his family's small house when it began to poor rain. There had been a storm brewing all afternoon and now it was coming down like there was no tomorrow. 

One of the windshield wipers on his car stuck and it dragged along, making it kind of hard to see in a bad rain such as this. But Aoshi had never had an accident, was confident in his driving abilities, and knew he could make it home in one piece.

He hadn't, however, taken in to consideration the possibility of nearly running over a distraught girl who didn't pay attention when she was crossing the street…

---------

****

En Satsu Koku Ryuu Ha: I was intrigued by your review and your question about Kamatari. I'd love to tell you my views on this subject, but it would be too much to do in an author's note. If you can e-mail me/leave your e-mail or if you have AIM (my SN is kourishien), I'd love to talk to you about it.


	6. Chapter 6

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice

-------

****

Everybody needs to trust me. This _will _turn into an Aoshi/Misao fic. I tend to get long-winded when I write…so there _should _be a lot of chapters…^^;;  
  
-------

Aoshi sat staring out the window of his car, an almost dazed expression on his face. 

He had nearly hit some one, and not just any one. He'd nearly just run down the thorn in his side.

It had happened so fast, he wasn't sure what exactly had happened. She had run out into the street, that ridiculously long braid whipping out behind her, not paying any attention to the world around her. This didn't really shock or surprise him; she always seemed to be in need of a good reality check, but it had unnerved him that he'd nearly killed her. He'd floored the brake just as she realized she was about to be annihilated, causing the car to die and smoke to spew from somewhere under the hood.

Now he was staring out the window, hands gripped around the steering wheel, knuckles white. _I nearly killed her…I nearly killed her…I don't like her, but…I nearly killed her. _

She had collapsed on the sidewalk once her mind started working again and she realized she hadn't just died. She was wet, she was miserable, her best friend hated her, she had nearly been killed by the person who aggravated her most…_Can things get any worse?_

He got out of the car.

__

They just got worse.

"Are you all right?" He looked down at her, looking like death himself wrapped in that trench coat, the same emotionless look on his face as always.

__

I feel like hell…Shit, I'm scared as hell. What do I do now? I've never had any one yell at me like that before. Never. Every one loves me. Every one loves…my money…"I'm fine." She said automatically.

"What the hell were you doing? Is there anything in that head of yours? Even Miru's three-year-old brother knows that you have to look before running right out into the road. I could have killed you!" Once he knew she was all right, it seemed only logical to berate her stupidity.

"Maybe it would have been better if you had!" She shot back, "You hate me so much, why didn't you just do it and be done with it? You could have easily made every one think it was an accident!"

"I never said I hate you." He replied evenly, "I just think you're hopeless." His expression softened the tiniest bit when he realized she was still badly shaken. "Are you sure you're okay? You look pretty shaken up. Come on, I'll walk you home. Or is that bad for your reputation? Should you not be seen with me the way you won't associate yourself with Meibi?"

"Hell if I care." She shrugged, "But why can't you drive me?"

"My car's not going anywhere after the stress I just put on it. See all that thick steam spilling out from under the hood? That's what happened when I braked so hard to avoid running you over." He said dully, "Now get up. I won't tell any one if you don't."

"Why are you doing this? I've done nothing but treat you like scum?"

"Oh? I hadn't noticed."

In spite of everything, she smiled. He had a sort of dry sense of humor about him and it made her want to laugh a lot. There was something about him, something that made her wonder what there was outside the wrought iron fence surrounding her house. Perhaps the grass was greener on the other side…

-------

"Go to sleep!"

"No!"

"Go…to…sleep." Meibi gritted her teeth, pointing menacingly at her little half-brother's bed. When he turned three, her father had bought him a "big-boy bed" and he was still leery of sleeping in it at times. Or else he was just being difficult because he knew that Meibi had little patience with him. He was clever for being only three.

"I dun wanna!" 

"Too bad!" She roared, grabbing him by the arm and hoisting him into her arms. He was a nasty little kid when he wanted to be, but perfectly sweet for Dad and Shinju. It made her so angry to see him cute and loveable when she wasn't the one taking care of him.

"Noooo!" He howled. "Noooo…" The second protest dragged off into a long yawn.

"Look, you're tired. Just cut the dramatics and go to sleep already. I'll tell Mommy you weren't being good."

He pouted as she settled him on the bed, handing him the stuffed dog he liked to sleep with. Then she pulled down his blind, shut off the light and closed the door. She knew from experience that he'd fall asleep quickly. It was the same situation every day; he always put up a fight.

On her way to the kitchen, Meibi passed by the den, the room where she knew her sibling and his significant other would be held up for the next several hours until both their parents were home. 

"Why didn't you cry? Why didn't you cry, Kamatari? Why the hell don't you ever fight back? You just stand there and let them hurt you…" Miru's voice, angry and confused, drifted out through the door, which was ajar a crack. He sounded worked up; as if he was extremely emotional, and she knew that sometimes things went on it that room that no one was supposed to know about.

Miru cried in there.

Meibi wasn't exactly the kind of person who was into blackmail. She was just acutely aware of her surroundings and made it her business to know everything that went on around her house, every little detail of everybody's lives. She knew the days her father had come home drunk and fought with Shinju, even though they thought she was asleep. She knew that Mitsu still wet the bed on occasion. She even knew that, contrary to every one's belief, Miru was highly emotional and a rather breakable person. He hid this well, but it's hard to hide something like that from the people you live with.

She knew everything about everybody except herself.

She rummaged through the fridge, searching for Chinese takeout leftovers from several nights ago, knowing they were there somewhere. She was forever brushing her bangs from her eyes so that she could see, forever pushing that pink hair out of her face. Sometimes she wanted to chop it all off because it drove her crazy, but then she had to remind herself the benefits of that shaggy mane. No one could ever tell what she was feeling. All they saw was that impassive smile while her eyes -which held every emotion- were hidden away under the bangs.

After a long search, she finally found the carton of fried rice. Pulling it triumphantly from the fridge, she zapped it in the microwave, hunting down a suitable drink while it heated, then took the snack back to her room in attempt to read the book for literature while she ate.

Passing by the den again, all was quite. She peeked through the door, only to wish she hadn't. Her step-brother was sprawled across Kamatari's lap and they both looked as if they were contemplating whether or not they wanted to start making out. 

She wrinkled her nose. _More than I needed to see…_Then hurried on down the hall to her room.

-------

"What do you want to do after you graduate, Miru?" 

Kamatari looked down at Miru, who was lying curled up on his lap. He was still toying with his friend's hair, the silky locks sliding through his fingers. He was comfortable like that, with Miru so close and warm, and wished he could stay that way forever. He knew when he went home, his father would ask him about the fresh bruises, then berate him for being the way that he was, saying if he were "normal" none of that would ever happen. 

He hated going home.

"After I graduate?" Miru rolled over onto his back so that he was staring up at Kamatari, "I don't know. But it doesn't really matter. I can't go to college. There's no money for that. And I'm not smart enough anyway." He shrugged, "I'll get a job somewhere."

"I didn't ask what you're going to do. I asked what you want to do."

"What I want to do?" He reached up, pulling Kamatari down in a hug, "I want to be with you, of course."

"Of course." Kamatari smiled, his bangs brushing across his friend's forehead, "We'll always be together, no matter what any one says or thinks."

"You make it sound so simple…" Miru's fingers ran across Kamatari's cheek where the tears had long since dried, "It's really more complicated than that."

"As long as we want to be together, we'll be together." Came the firm reply. Kamatari didn't want to think about them ever being apart. What would he do without Miru? He frowned slightly, a little bit of panic starting to consume him. Miru wouldn't change his mind.

…Would he?

Miru studied his companion's face. Kamatari was very pretty, with those wide brown eyes, that pale, perfect skin, his dull hair framing his face. Even when he had still dressed as a boy, he had been pretty. Miru didn't think he could ever get tired of staring at that face and he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been physically attracted to his friend. "Are you going to stay tonight?"

"Only if you want me to."

"I do."

"What will we be doing?"

"This."

"Oh? That's it?" Was it just Miru's imagination, or did Kamatari sound disappointed?

"Maybe a little more." A grin spread across his face as he sat up, his long hair tumbling around his face, "Whatever you want."

"What I want? Isn't it usually what you want?" Kamatari teased, his eyes sparkling as he tugged on a lock of his companion's hair.

"I'm feeling kind today. You had it rough…Lunch, then that…thing…after school." Miru snuggled up to Kamatari, clutching his arm, his head on his shoulder. He was feeling rather clingy after the scare he'd been given. What would he do if those damn homophobes decided to really hurt Kamatari? He would be lost on his own. Who would keep him in check? Who would keep him from getting so angry all the time? 

Nothing scared him more than being without some one who understood him.

"I'm okay."

"No you're not." Miru said miserably, "You're not okay. I know you die a little bit every time some one does something like that to you. I hate watching people hurt you, but there's nothing I can do to make it stop. It's just not fair…"

Kamatari regarded the other boy for a moment. "Nobody ever said life was fair, Miru. We've all got our cross the bear. As long as you're with me, I can survive anything." He said softly. His forehead rested against Miru's and they stared at one another. A sudden urge to kiss the other boy washed over him; they had never done it before, he was usually too shy. "I-"

"Miru? Meibi? Mitsu? I'm home!"

Miru reluctantly drew away from his friend. "That would be my mom…" _Dammit! He was about to kiss me…Oh well. Better luck next time._

-------

"Thank you for walking me home. I'll be fine now."

"Okay." 

Misao had only permitted Aoshi to walk her as far as the front gate. They were standing outside the fence, she with her fingers twined around the gnarled iron, ready to swing the gate open and go in.

She, however, seemed reluctant to do so. "I'll see you next Wednesday?"

He blinked. "I suppose so, if you think it would be worth it. I don't see any reason to continue since you don't seem to care anyway. Just have your father slip them a couple hundred and you'll pass just fine." His voice was dry, unconcerned as he turned to leave.

She glared after him. Who did he think he was, telling her that? This was her future they were talking about and she didn't want to be one of those rich women who married rich and then just sat there looking pretty and having children. No reason to continue indeed. She'd show him who was worthless. 

For the first time in her life, Misao actually wanted to learn.

She would prove him wrong. She would prove them all wrong. 

She was going to ace that history final.


	7. Chapter 7

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice

-------

Miru woke up around six-thirty the following morning.

Usually, he slept until his mother started screaming at him to get up and get ready for school, but he woke up early that morning, following a dream of waterfalls and broken fire hydrants. 

__

I've got to pee.

Right now…

Grumbling at the early hour, he climbed over Kamatari, who was curled up on his side, clutching a pillow, and padded out of the room, his bare feet cold against the wooden floor. He stretched -yawning- as he walked, his joints popping. He had slept funny and it wasn't because he had shared the bed.

Kamatari had insisted he could sleep on the couch in the den, but Miru wouldn't let him. It was the same old song and dance as always; shy Kamatari never wanted to sleep in the same place as Miru, for fear of the other boy trying something. It made Miru angry -Kamatari was usually an outgoing, flirty person, except when it came to him- and he always had to bully his friend into the bed.

He played dirty, but he knew Kamatari liked it.

He'd had trouble sleeping the night before because he'd had a huge argument with his mother. She was constantly telling him that she didn't care what he did, so long as he didn't bring it home to his sister or brother. He assumed this meant that she thought he was running around, having a good time, playing the field. This couldn't be further from the truth, but there was no point in arguing with Shinju on this subject. Normally, he didn't care about her accusations. But when Kamatari came into the conversation…

It made Miru boiling mad.

He finished his business with the porcelain god, washed his hands and wandered back in the direction of his room.

"Miru!" A hand grabbed his arm.

He turned, his eyes trailing up the arm to his mother's face. She looked furious, as if she were ready to destroy him. "What's up, Mom?" He asked casually.

"Don't you give me that attitude, young man." Her fingers tightened around his arm, "How many times have I told you not to bring it home? How dare you, with your little, impressionable brother asleep in the next room?"

"Chill out, Mom." He stared back at her, his inky eyes burning into hers. He wasn't intimidated by her; he fought back every chance he had.

"Why, Miru? Why any of this? Why are you doing this? I don't understand." She suddenly looked old and tired.

"I never _asked _you to understand. I never asked you to understand anything about me, Mom. I just want you to care about me even though you don't understand. But you don't give a shit. All you do is yell at me." He growled, "I didn't ask to be this way. I didn't decide it either. I didn't wake up one morning and tell myself 'I'm going to start chasing after guys.' It's just how I am."

"But why?"

"I don't know! Would you rather I was like you and Dad, Mom? Would you rather I was running around with some girl and I got her pregnant then left her so her kid could grow up and hate everything? I love him and I don't care what you have to say!" He jerked his arm out of her grasp and stormed off down the hall.

When he was climbing back into bed, Kamatari's eyes blinked open. He rolled over on his back, yawning, pulling Miru down into his arms. "You're angry."

"Yeah." Miru buried his face in Kamatari's shoulder, his dark hair spilling around them both.

"Your mom thinks we were fooling around?" Kamatari's voice was soft and sad. He hated seeing Miru so angry; hated seeing him confused and hurt. He knew the source of most of Miru's anger was his mother, who never once tried to understand a thing about her firstborn son.

"Yeah." Miru's nose brushed against Kamatari's neck as he settled back down.

"You didn't tell her we weren't." The older boy pointed out as he wrapped his arms around his companion.

"It doesn't matter what I tell her." This statement was accompanied by a sigh, "She won't believe it."

"Oh." A nod.

"Go back to sleep." Miru's fingers twined through Kamatari's hair, "We don't have to get up for an hour still."

"All right." The teen yawned, "…Miru?"

"Yeah?"

__

I love you too...The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say them. He was too shy, too frightened to come out and say the only thing on his mind for so long. "Nothing." Sighing softly, he buried his face in Miru's hair. _Why am I so damn shy about the one thing more important than anything else…?_

-------

Misao's hand batted around from somewhere under her blankets, swatting at her alarm clock as it sounded the shrill alarm for her to wake up. She wanted to roll over and curl up in a little ball, rather than go to that hell-hole called school. She hated that place more than anything, hated all the boring teachers, the bad cafeteria food, the people who pretended to like her in hopes of sharing her money.

The latter of these was something she had only realized the day before. Aoshi had walked her home even though she was a bitch to him and he hadn't expected anything in return. It felt surprisingly nice to be around some one who didn't lie to her. Even if the things he said weren't endearing, they _were _the truth.

She rolled over on her back, staring up at the ceiling. _I've gotten myself into a real mess here, haven't I? Everything was going just fine until I met him. He ruined my life. Nothing was bad until my birthday when he started giving me all that shit. Dammit, he makes me think too much. He makes everything so complicated._

But he's so damn hot…

Did I seriously just think that? Sitting up, she cringed. _That is not a good thing to be thinking…Not when he's so poor and I've got so much money. He's not good enough for me. He can't be. He's got nothing. But still…_

Her dreams the previous night had been a swirling mass of cars trying to run her down, dark-haired princes on ice horses coming to her rescue and Kaoru as some sort of evil antagonist, laughing and telling her she couldn't handle the truth. No matter what bad situation had befallen her in those dreams, Aoshi had come along, sweeping her off her feet, only to tell her that she was hopeless and couldn't she even take care of herself?

He made her so angry.

Thinking about Aoshi, she was wide awake now. _No point in trying to go back to sleep…_Normally, she would sleep a lot longer, waiting for the snooze alarm to go off or some one to yell at her to get up. Never her mother; she couldn't be bothered. But her step-father was constantly screaming and yelling for her to "get her lazy ass out of bed."

Groaning, she rolled over. Morning was her lest favorite part of the day. If she could, she would sleep as long as possible, rising only when she woke from her slumber of her own accord. None of that alarm clock stuff; only her body telling her it was time to get up. 

She stretched as she stood before her closet, which was stuffed with clothes. What to wear today? What to wear…She had so many things in there; of course it was a tough choice. 

Rustling through the shirts, pants and skirts, she came across something she hadn't seen in years. _I forgot I even had this shirt…_Black, three-quarters length sleeves, the kanji for "hope" on it in silver glitter. There was a necklace somewhere that went with that shirt; a chintzy little thing from a machine at the movie theater. She had been at the movies with Kaoru and they had some spare change, so they were trying their luck, hoping to get the jewelry they liked.

She closed her eyes, remembering that day. It had been years ago, back before…_Back before I became a spoiled rich brat. Back when…_Her cerulean eyes snapped open and she looked down at the shirt in her hands, Kaoru's giggly laughter echoing through her mind. 

Her friend had stopped by the previous night to bring her her backpack, which she had left in the car when she ran off. They hadn't said more than two words to one another; the only vocal exchange was what was absolutely necessary. Kaoru had looked both hurt and angry; Misao could see the turmoil in her friend's deep eyes. She had looked the way Misao felt.

__

Yes, the young woman decided, _I'm going to wear this shirt today. And where…_Tossing the shirt onto her bed, she pushed her way through more clothes…_is that denim jacket I used to wear with it?_

__

Things are going to change today. I'm not going to lose the best friend I've ever had and I'm certainly not going to let myself be humiliated by a smart-ass from the wrong side of the tracks. 

This decided, she was all fired up for the day. She snatched her brush from her dresser and began yanking in vigorously through her snarled hair. _This is one battle I will not lose…_

-------

Meibi frowned.

"Hurry it up back there. You're so damn slow!"

She hated walking to school with Miru. 

"And you, come back here! Don't you be running away from me!"

She especially hated it on days after Kamatari spent the night. 

Glowering, she shoved her hands in her pockets. Her step-brother was pretending to chase after his friend, who squealed with mock terror and ran further down the sidewalk, the loops on his pants clinking together with his every movement. Miru suddenly charged forward, catching Kamatari in his arms, swinging him around and tossing him over his shoulder, where he dangled, thumping the younger boy in the back, laughing, telling him he'd better put him down or he'd be sorry.

Then he looked up at Meibi, his face positively shining with happiness as he beamed at her. "How are you today, Meibi?" He brushed his hair from his eyes, the jelly bracelets around his wrist bouncing with the jerky movement.

Scowling, she looked away and stormed past them both. She didn't dislike Kamatari; she just didn't want people thinking she was as odd as her brother and his constant companion. The best way to keep people from assuming she was as queer as they were was to distance herself from them as much as possible.

This was difficult when the most straight-forward route to school was the one they both took.

"Hey, don't be so uptight, Mei." Miru called after her. "It's really nice out today and I doubt we'll have much more weather like this. It is November, after all." He set Kamatari back down on the sidewalk and the older boy stretched, his hands rising heavenward, the bottom of his shirt rising with them and revealing his belly button.

Miru looked over at him, basking there in the morning sunlight like a cat. His skin looked even more pale in the bright light, more tempting, and that contented smile played across his face. His eyes blinked open and he looked again at his friend, smiling softly, to which Miru grinned back, wondering what Kamatari would do if he were suddenly to kiss him.

Desire coursed through him. He took a step forward, closing the distance between them, catching Kamatari by the wrist. The older boy's brown eyes widened slightly, his mouth opened as if he were about to say something, his startled expression making him more appealing. Miru pulled him closer, his other arm wrapping around Kamatari's waist. He had waited long enough; been patient for plenty of time. Now all he wanted to do was ravish the other boy; to act on all the lusty thoughts swimming in his mind.

Kamatari trembled slightly, wondering what was about to happen to him. He wanted to tell Miru to stop, but the words caught in his throat which had unexpectedly gone quite dry. He stared into his companion's eyes, searching their dark depths for a reason behind this sudden change. His back was pressed up against a wall and the same terror he had felt the previous afternoon was about to consume him. His eyes welled up with tears and he squeezed them shut, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Miru seemed to snap back to reality when the first tear fell. _What the hell am I doing?_ He took a step back, his eyes widening at the expression on Kamatari's face. "My God, I'm sorry! I only wanted to…I didn't mean to…Don't look at me like that!" He let go of the other boy's wrist and turned to walk away but Kamatari caught him by the hand.

"I…I know you would never hurt me." His voice was soft and hesitant, "I know you would never do anything to ever hurt me. But…But I don't know what to…Miru, I don't know why I'm afraid to let you kiss me." _Liar! Liar; you do know…You don't want things to ever change. If you let him kiss you, everything gets complicated…_

Miru looked back over his shoulder at Kamatari, who had his eyes glued to his feet. His bangs fell over his forehead, shielding his eyes, hiding his expression. "I didn't mean to scare you." One of Miru's hands flickered upward, brushing back his companion's hair, "I'm so sorry. I really don't know why I did that."

"It's okay." Kamatari looked up at him, his usual smile on his face, "Really, it is. So don't worry about it. Now come on, or we'll be late." His hand still clutching Miru's to prove he wasn't going to shy away again, he began to drag the other boy down the sidewalk. 


	8. Chapter 8

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice  
  
-------

Aoshi walked to school that morning.

His car would need a day or so to cool down after all the stress it had been put under the day before. He could have easy blamed Misao and told her she owed him for repairs on the car, but he could tell she had been upset about something and wasn't about to rip into her more, even though he easily could have. He wasn't intentionally cruel; she just bothered him to no end.

He supposed things could have been worse. It could have been cold or rainy or just blah out in general. Fortunately, the weather was nice, the sun was shining, and the sky was a beautiful shade of cerulean.

__

The sky is the same color as her eyes…

__

And why did that thought just pop into my mind?

In his thoughts, Aoshi was going over the events of the previous day. It had been an odd day, all things considering. Classes had been dull, as usual, lunch time and homeroom were always consumed by the oddness that was Miru and Kamatari, then the little near-miss on the way home…

That scene played over and over again in the back of his mind. Himself, driving through the pelting rain as the wipers squeaked across the glass. Misao, running out into the road. Himself, slamming down the breaks. The terrified look on her face as she stood frozen, awaiting the impact. That feeling of relief that washed over him once he realized she was okay. 

Relief; oh the relief. If he had killed her; if he had injured her, he never would have been able to live with that kind of guilt, no matter how much he disliked her. 

After the walk home in the rain the previous evening, he had realized that he didn't even dislike her. Seeing her vulnerable like any other mortal had given him a new perspective of the being that was Misao. She was scared and broken, just like every one else who walked the earth. She was just as alone, just as in need of some one to treat her kindly. He had seen a sort of wild longing in her eyes; that yearning for some one to tell her everything would be okay.

And he hadn't been able to do it.

"Aoshi!" 

He snapped back to the present at the sound of Kamatari's lilting, feminine voice. The transvestite was sprinting across the parking lot towards him, Miru hot on his tails. He waved enthusiastically, bracelets bouncing around his wrist, and, judging by the way he was dressed, he had spent the night with his friend.

It was easy to tell when Kamatari had decided not to go home for the night. Mornings he arrived at school wearing mostly black, anything faded or pants with a lot of straps on them, it was a sure sign he had gone to Miru's and never left. The strange thing about it though was that Kamatari looked good in the style and not just any one could pull it off. Truth be told, Kamatari looked good in almost anything he wore.

That day, he was sporting a black and white baseball jersey-style shirt, black pants loaded with straps and loops and his usual supply of jelly bracelets, along with the ever-present chain bearing the dare to shine and "raise your voice." Aoshi had never once seen Kamatari without that bracelet and often wondered about its significance. 

"Hi Aoshi!" Kamatari was beaming at him, one scrawny hand clutching the strap on his over-the-shoulder book bag. 

"Hello." Aoshi looked down at the other boy, his icy eyes meeting Kamatari's soft brown ones. It never ceased to amaze him that no matter how much pain and anguish there was in Kamatari's eyes, that bright, perky smile would always light his face. Then he looked over at Miru, breaking eye contact with the girlish gaze that was still settled on his handsome face. "Good morning."

"Where's your car?" Miru pushed a lock of hair from his eyes, blinking as he asked the question. He was wearing black jeans and wife-beater, a gray button-down shirt layered over it. He had this way of looking dangerous, simply by standing there, and Aoshi wondered if this was what made him so appealing to some one who was as shy about his feelings as Kamatari was.

"It died on me last night." He left it at that, not wishing for more questioning from the indomitable duo about Misao.

"Oh." A pause, "You gave Meibi a ride home."  


"She was going crazy yesterday. What kind of gentleman would I be if I left her to fend for herself?"

Miru snorted. "Meibi can take plenty good care of herself, Aoshi. She's been taking care of herself since her mom disappeared. Her father certainly doesn't give a shit about her. He just cares about himself, my mom and Mitsu. To the two of them, she and I are just extra people living in the house. Oh, and this one over here too. They treat us the same as they treat him, like we're guests." He nudged Kamatari in the ribs and the older boy looked at him pointedly.

"Don't do that." He playfully pushed Miru away, the chain of the shine bracelet tinkling with his movements. He was behaving extremely lighthearted that morning, giggling and fawning over everything, clutching at his friend's hand and over-all acting somewhat clingy. This stemmed from his fear of further torment by the prior afternoon's bullies and Kamatari knew that the closer he was to Miru, the less likely it was anything would happen.

"Keh; you know you like it." A cocky grin spread its way across the dark-haired teen's face as he prodded the object of his affections a second time. "And you know I would do more than just that if I could." A certain smugness filled the boy's voice and his fingers rose, giving Kamatari's short hair a playful yank.

Kamatari wrinkled his nose as he hoisted the book bag strap higher on his shoulder. "Proves how much you know." He replied in a saucy voice, "I don't like you poking at me at all. And it doesn't matter where you're poking or what you're poking with." This said, he turned up his nose and flounced across the parking lot towards the main entrance of the school.

"I don't know what he could possibly mean by _that_." Another ostentatious grin crossed Miru's face as he ran along after his friend, waving over his shoulder at Aoshi. "See you in homeroom!"

Aoshi sighed. How had he been saddled with those two? Did their weirdness never end? How much more of this could he take before he lost his sanity? At least neither of them tried to hit on him…

-------

Kaoru was at her locker when she felt some one tap her on the shoulder. 

She half-turned, expecting it to be Misao and was somewhat surprised to find herself staring at the pink shag that was Meibi's bangs. The magenta-haired girl was wearing layer upon layer that day, several shirts one on top of the other, jeans torn in several places revealing stripped knee-socks below. Her entire outfit was brilliant greens and blues paired off with white and it all clashed terribly with the streaks in her hair. 

"You dropped this." Her voice was noncommittal as she handed Kaoru a sparkly gel pen that had descended from somewhere amidst the piles of junk in her locker.

"Thanks." Kaoru accepted the pen and offered a smile in return. She saw Meibi's mass of hair twitch and wondered what the rest of her face looked like under all those bangs; she had never seen more than a mouth and part of a nose. 

"Yeah, whatever." A slight shrug and Meibi was on her way down the hall, key chains clattering together as her book bag bounced against her back.

"Hey, Meibi…" Kaoru sort of trailed off. She had always been intrigued by Meibi, always wondered what kind of friend she would be. "Meibi, wait a minute!"

In a flash of magenta, the other girl whipped around to face Kaoru again. "What?" 

"Look, I'm sorry I was rude to you yesterday. But it's just…Misao and I are supposed to be friends, you know, and I'm supposed to hate the things she hates and like the things she likes…"

"Sounds like a crappy friendship to me." Came the scathing reply, "If that's what being popular is like, damn am I glad I'm not popular."

"I'm not either." Kaoru admitted, "I'm not popular. I'm just riding on her glory…She's the one that everybody _pretends_ to like, not me."

"Did you guys have a fight or something? I've never heard you say a bad word about her before." Meibi tipped her head to the side, her bangs parting slightly and revealing a sliver of her face. 

"Yeah…We got into a big fight last night. Over, surprisingly enough, your brother and his little 'girlfriend.' We saw a bunch of guys threatening Kamatari yesterday and Miru went insane defending him. She asked me what I would do if some one tried shit like that with her and I told her…Well, the truth."

"Wait, what happened yesterday?" This was interesting. Meibi parted her mass of hair to look directly at Kaoru. "I didn't hear anything about it."

For a moment, the other girl couldn't speak. She had never though she would see Meibi's face beneath her hair. She was surprised by how bright and inquisitive her eyes were. "We were going to my car after school…Kamatari was waiting for your brother by those garbage cans at the side of the parking lot and a bunch of the jocks attacked him."

"Wow…I didn't know." Meibi frowned slightly. _That would explain why Miru was crying yesterday. _"Stuff like that happens to Kamatari a lot. Those idiots think he's going to disease them or something. They don't understand anything." _Poor guy…He's never done a thing to them. It's not his fault…_

"I guess not." Kaoru pushed her locker shut and hoisted her backpack up to her shoulder.

"So, are you and Misao not talking now or something? I mean, normally you wouldn't be seen with me."

"It's getting harder and harder to be her friend. She just gets more and more full of herself as she gets older. I think Aoshi is really starting to get to her though and I'm glad. It'll be good for her, getting a dose of reality."

"So, this is the only reason you're talking to me?" Meibi looked directly at Kaoru, her wide jade eyes assessing the other teen's face, "To annoy Misao?"

"No! Oh, no! Did you think that? I'm sorry. I just never did before because she didn't want me to. I've been her friend for a long time…Since before she was like this…And I guess I thought her friendship was worth doing anything for." A shrug, "But I think I'm going to start making my own decisions now."

"But why me? Why the pathetic poor girl with no future? The girl who's probably as queer as her brother, who has a terrible family and every one hates or pities her. Why me, Kaoru? You could do a lot better than me." The bangs fell back in place, covering those emerald eyes and all the secrets they held.

"What do I care what other people say about you? You're not Miru and you're not pathetic. You're, you know, real. And not many people are any more. So I guess I've always been kinda curious about what you were like behind all the hair."

"Fair enough. Where do we go from here though? Won't that ruin things with Misao more if you start hanging around with me? I mean, if you've really been friends with her since before she got so spoiled, do you want to lose that for me?"

"If she doesn't want to be friends with me because I'm hanging out with you, then I don't want to be friends with her at all. I can do things with whoever I damn well please. Now c'mon or we'll be late for homeroom."

"Yeah, okay." 

Meibi followed Kaoru down the hall, watching as the dark-haired girl's ponytail swung with her movements. It was odd thinking of Kaoru as some one she could consider an ally. She was, after all, Misao's best and closest friend. Suppose this was some sort of plot by the rich little snob to further destroy her reputation? Well, Meibi wasn't that ignorant. She would stay on her guard and see how this progressed; watching, waiting, looking for signs of any kind of foul play. And the second either of them showed signs of toying with her, she'd mess them up pretty good.

She was nobody's fool. 

They try to burn her and there'd be hell to pay.


	9. Chapter 9

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice  
  
-------

Kaoru didn't come to pick her up.

Kaoru wasn't waiting in their usual spot.

Kaoru and Meibi were bent over a math book together, whispering and giggling like they were the best of friends.

The second she trudged into homeroom, Misao saw the two of them together, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Meibi held her bangs so that the rest of her face was visible and her emerald eyes danced with amusement. She was leaned across her desk, the rest of her hair pooling around her shoulders, clashing terribly with her lime green shirt. Kaoru was sitting backwards in the chair in front of her, ponytail sliding over her shoulder as she spoke. Then she glanced up and caught sight of Misao in the doorway. 

Their eyes met for a moment, then Kaoru blinked, turning back to Meibi. She leaned closer, whispering fervently, and Meibi peered over her shoulder, her bangs falling black into place with the movement. A smug grin crossed her face as she turned back to Kaoru, one finger twining through her long hair. 

Misao stared at them for a moment. _What the hell??? Why are they talking to one another? Why are they acting like friends? And what the hell were they looking at me for?! Well, if Kaoru wants to hang around with HER it won't bother me. I can get a new best friend easily…Can't I? But Kaoru and I have been friends for a long time…_

She almost had half a mind to go over to Kaoru and ask her what she was doing, then apologize for being rude the day before. But then, she remembered Kaoru being rude to her too. This required both of them to be sorry and to Misao it didn't look as if Kaoru was the least bit sorry. She looked like she was having fun. Like she didn't care at all that Misao was standing there in the doorway, all alone and…vulnerable.

The wealthy girl suddenly felt very exposed. Without Kaoru, who would be her buffer against the rest of the world? Kaoru's voice -_Or do you want me to make up the same little lies that every one else does to cushion you from cold reality?_-echoed through her mind. This was brutal reality. She was all alone. No one really cared.

__

No one…

Her cerulean eyes widened and her mind began to whirl, searching for any person who had shown her just a bit of kindness recently, any person who's actions weren't superficial and condescending. _Some one must care! Some one has to love me for me and not my money…Some one; any one…_

__

…So why can't I think of any one?

She looked around the classroom, taking in the happy, cheerful students around her. Seeing them there, carefree, content, made her wonder what the past few years of her life had meant. Had she ever been so happy as that? Safe in her cocoon of lies, falsity and money-grubbing, was she truly happy? Kaoru told her -not in so many words, but _still_- that people would always be willing to do anything for her so long as she had money. Her friend had answered her question truthfully, but said that others would lie.

Would they?

Her gaze swept across the room, coming to rest on a brown-haired, blue-eyed boy. "Yutaro," She sank down into the chair next to his desk, "What would you do if…"

-------

As the bell rang, Aoshi pulled off his glasses and slid them into their case. Then he gathered his notes, his physics text book and his book bag and got up to leave the room for lunch.

"Oh, Aoshi, if you could spare a moment…" The teacher beckoned him over to her desk. 

Five minutes later, he was again preparing to leave the room. This time, he was able to.

Heading down the hall, he heard the sound of a locker angrily being slammed shut. This was not an uncommon sound, but since the hall was pretty much deserted -all the kids were either in class or eating lunch- it sent a lonely, empty feeling through the boy. He wondered who was angry and why.

And he found out soon enough.

Rounding a corner, he crashed smack dab into none other than Misao.

She, being smaller than him in both size and build, tumbled to the ground, landing on her bottom with a thud. He could only stare for a moment, watching her fall, everything seeming to screech to a halt as she landed, and he knew -he just _knew_- there would be a tantrum of sorts once she regained her wind.

Still in slow motion, she looked up, the cerulean oceans that were her eyes meeting the frozen wastelands that were his. Their gaze locked for a moment as she stared, open-mouthed, her hands planted on the floor as if she would fall over backwards otherwise.

She did not disappoint with the expected tantrum.

However, the outburst was not exactly what he expected.

"Ahh! I hate this place! I hate it here; I want to go home and nobody cares about me; they all lied and now I'm on the floor and I'm filthy and everything is all your fault and oh God I hate you! I hate you! I hate you; I hate you! You ruined everything! My birthday, my outfit, my _life!_ Why can't you just go away??" She buried her face in her hands, her thin shoulders shaking as she tried to conceal her sobs.

It didn't work.

Aoshi didn't know what to say. The only experience he'd ever had with anything remotely close to a crying woman was Kamatari and he didn't quite count. Besides, when Kamatari cried, Miru was always the one who took care of him. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? He didn't have a clue.

__

Ask her what's wrong, dummy! His brain screamed, but his mouth couldn't seem to obey his mind. Though he was moved to pity by the site of her there, crumpled on the floor, nothing which came to mind seemed adequate to say. 

"Get up."

She jerked away when she felt his hand under her elbow as if he wanted to help her up. "Leave me alone!" How could he possibly understand how miserable she was? She was crying in front of him for the second time within twenty-four hours and all he could say was "get up"?

"You can't stay here." His voice was rich, deep, everything it should be laced with a hint of concern. "What will people say if they see you here crying?"

"To hell with them." She spat the words out between sobs, curling up in a little ball, her arms wrapped protectively around her legs.

He sighed. This was going nowhere fast. "Look, whatever happened to you today, it couldn't be that bad. Now come on, get up." He wanted her to get up for his own good more than hers. He couldn't stand the sight of her there, pathetic and miserable on the cold floor of the school. If Miru were there, he would undoubtedly make some sort of snide comment about how the mighty had fallen, after all, he'd said so himself that he'd love to tear her to pieces, but Aoshi…He couldn't bring himself to hate her when she was in that state.

"Why are you doing this? Why?" Her voice was muffled by the fabric of her sleeves, "Why pretend you care?"

"Pretend?" He blinked, "Who's pretending? I do everything sincerely." He crouched down before her, looking at the top of her head and her bangs as the feel over her arms, "Is that what this is all about?" As he stared at her shiny tresses, her slight, still trembling form, something unusual happened. 

He felt his heart turn with pity for her.

And Aoshi had never pitied any one before.

"Please; get up." He begged, "Sitting here crying isn't going to make it better." He wanted her to stop more than anything. Seeing her there so sad and breakable made his heart ache. He felt like he was coming unraveled; something about her on the floor and suffering made him want to tear down his carefully built walls.

"Aoshi, just leave me alone!" She choked out, "Everything was fine until you came along and messed it all up."

"I won't leave you alone until I know you're okay. If it's my fault that you're upset, I want to help fix it." He looked at her, his hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry. I never meant to do this to you."

She looked up, her face wet with tears, her eyes red from crying. "You're sorry? You're really sorry? What did you mean to do then?"

Again with the questions. She questioned everything he did. "I wanted to teach you history. That's all." Without even thinking about what he was doing, he reached out and brushed back her hair, "Lunch is almost over. Do you want something to eat?"

"No. I'm not hungry. I must look terrible now…How am I supposed to face every one else like this?" She sniffled.

"Hopeless." He shook his head, "What happened to 'to hell with them'?" A faint trace of a smile crossed his face as he fished in his pocket for a tissue, "Here. Just wipe the make-up off. You don't need it anyway." He patted her on the head as he rose to wander down the hall, "I'll see you Wednesday."

"Wait!" She stopped him by grabbing the strap of his book bag.

"What?" He half-turned, frozen gaze meeting hers.

"I've got a test on Monday. Can…Can you help me study for it?" 

He looked at her for a moment, taking in her tear-streaked face, her wide, pleading eyes. He felt his heart do a strange somersault in his chest and the smile widened the tiniest bit. "If you want me to. I have to work all day Saturday, but I'm free Sunday afternoon. Would you like me to come to your house?"

"No!" Her expression was suddenly one of panic.

"Oh. Right. You'd be ashamed to bring some one like me to your house, wouldn't you?" His brow furrowed beneath his bangs, "That's okay."

"I'm not ashamed of you." She retorted. _I'm ashamed of the way my parents act…_"I'd just rather go somewhere else." 

"You can come to my house. It's not as nice as yours, but it is quiet and a comfortable place to study."

"All right." She nodded, "I know where your house is. Kaoru lives near you."

"Okay. Until Sunday then."

Another nod. Then. "Aoshi?"

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks." Her head bowed, hair hiding her face, and he wondered what she was feeling, having to say thank you to the poor boy.

"You're welcome." For a fleeting moment, the smile broke into a full-fledged grin. To see her humble, it made her seem almost human. As terrible as it was to say, he didn't mind her so much when she was like this.

She watched as he ambled away, examining his stride, his lean body, the way his hair bounced against the back of his head as he walked. _He is so fine…_She pushed that thought to the back of her mind as she got up from the floor. _He really does seem to care about me, but it doesn't matter…He's going to graduate in the spring, he's going to go away, and he's going to forget about me. He's only my tutor; there's no point in getting attached to him._

But still…


	10. Chapter 10

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice  
  
-------

"You can sit with us. No one will mind. Miru and Kamatari usually spend the period fighting and Aoshi just does homework." Meibi informed Kaoru while they waited in the lunch line, "We all sit together, but nobody really gets along."

Kaoru looked at Meibi, hidden away again under her mass of bangs, "Miru and Kamatari fight?" She was extremely curious about the two of them.

"Everybody picks on Kamatari most during lunch and he always cries. Then Miru gets angry and it causes a fight and then he gets frustrated because he doesn't know how to handle Kamatari when he's crying and he yells at him. So they argue a lot."

"Oh." There was silence for a moment as the two moved up in the line and Meibi surveyed the lunch spread, "Then why are they together?"

"Because Kamatari is in love." She said simply as she grabbed a cheeseburger, "And Miru likes the attention."

Kaoru pondered this as she followed the other girl to the table in the back corner. Nobody else was there and the two of them plopped down next to one another. "You think Miru doesn't care about him?"

"I know Miru doesn't care about him. My brother only cares about one person and that's himself. He'd do any one who's willing. All he wants is pleasure."

"But they've been together since last spring. Isn't that a long time? And besides, Kamatari doesn't seem like that kind of guy."

"He's not." Came the dry reply, "But then, Miru likes a challenge. All he wants to do is get in his pants."

"You really think so?"

"Yup. I feel sorry for Kamatari. He's going to be so heartbroken when he realizes…"

-------

Kamatari held his head high as he bravely worked his way through the crowded cafeteria to the table he and his companions always sat at. He was by himself and had no clue where Miru was; they didn't have class together before lunch. His slouchy corduroy book bag bounced against his thigh and he curled his fingers around the strap to keep it still. Days he had Miru's clothing on, it was easier to blend into the crowd and he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

Meibi was already at the table, along with another girl who had a long, dark ponytail. He knew who the other girl was; a sophomore, on the honor roll, she had once yelled at some one who called him a fag. He wondered why she was sitting with Meibi, but figured he would know soon enough.

He was about to call out a hello when Meibi's voice drifted over to him above the din of the crowded cafeteria. "…But then, Miru likes a challenge. All he wants to do is get in his pants."

Kamatari froze. He felt as if his heart had stopped within his chest; as if some one had ripped it out and stomped on it. _No…No! She's wrong! _His fingers tightened around the strap; he was holding on to it for dear life.

"You really think so?" Came the other girl's voice, softer and inquisitive. She sounded almost sad, as if she pitied the boy.

His heart resumed beating and it was pounding against his chest, hammering wildly. Meibi didn't sound like she was joking. No; she sounded rather matter-of-fact in her statements. But she couldn't…She couldn't know. She wasn't there all those times…Miru wouldn't lie to him. He wouldn't; he wouldn't; he _wouldn't!_

"Yup. I feel sorry for Kamatari. He's going to be so heartbroken when he realizes…"

Kamatari's brown eyes were as wide as they could be. Tears clung to his lashes. Meibi had to be wrong. She just had to be! But then…All those times…Miru wanted him to come over. Miru wanted him to share the bed. Miru wanted them to be alone together. Miru…It was always what Miru wanted! A terrible thought crossed his mind.

__

What if Meibi is right?

Not able to stand another moment there listening to all of that, he fled from the lunch room, tears threatening to come, and he didn't care who he ran into and what they did to him; it didn't matter because nothing could hurt more than the anguish in his heart right then. 

His heart was broken. Torn to shreds. In shards on the floor. It didn't matter; nothing mattered; he just wanted to die. _I love him. I love him more than anything in the world and all he wants from me…No. No…No!! _He wanted to leave. He had to leave. His coat was in his locker; he wanted to get it and be anywhere but there.

Frustrated, angry, despondent, he began twirling the dial on his locker, proceeding to forget the numbers, forget the combination when he recalled the numbers, forget everything except the sound of Meibi's voice so plainly informing the world that Miru didn't give a shit about any one but himself. The locker refused to open. More discouraged now, he began to pound his fist against the metal door.

"Open, dammit! Open so I can leave. So I can go kill myself and do the world a favor!" He yanked on the door while kicking it at the same time, tears spilling down his face.

"Kamatari, what _are _you doing?"

Reality set in again at the sound of Aoshi's quiet voice behind him. Sighing in defeat, he resigned to the fact that his locker was _not_ going to open while he was panicking, and he rested his forehead against the cool metal. "I can't open it." He said softly, voice wavering as the tears continued to fall.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Aoshi," The young transvestite twisted around so that his back was up against the locker, his hands still resting lightly on the dial. "Miru doesn't care about me at all, does he?" He asked forlornly, "He just wants to…" More tears spilled forth and he had to stop talking, his sentence left unfinished and dangling in the silence between them.

A sigh escaped the other boy's lips. How was it his luck that he had to run into both of the people he didn't know how to deal with while they were crying their eyes out? "What gave you that idea?" He studied his companion's face; red, wet with tears, his eyes mournful and full of torment, his expression dejected. Only hours before he had been happily running off to class, Miru's hand clasped in his. What had brought about this transformation?

Kamatari sniffled. "I overheard Meibi and she said-" 

"You believed Meibi?" Aoshi didn't even want to wait and hear what she had said. Meibi thought she knew everything, but there was a lot she still didn't understand. "Kamatari, stop crying. You know Miru cares about you. You're just being silly."

"Am I?" He looked up, his eyes meeting Aoshi's, a lost expression crossing his face, "Am I being silly, Aoshi? How do I know?"

"Look, you know Miru better than any one does, even better than his own mother. You know when he's lying and when he's telling the truth, don't you?"

"I thought I did. But now I'm not so sure…" He trailed off, his gaze dropping to his feet, coming to rest on his brown leather sandals which totally clashed with the rest of his outfit. "What if she's right?"

"How could she possibly be right when you two don't fool around at all?" Aoshi demanded, "He respects that you don't want to do any of that stuff. How can you possibly think-"  
  
"I do know him better than anybody, Aoshi! I do!" Kamatari suddenly burst out, "Just this morning on the way here he tried to do as he pleased with me and he only stopped because I started to cry. You don't understand because you don't see in his eyes what I do. All the lust…All the desire…It's not there when you look him in the eyes. You couldn't possibly understand!"

"Kamatari…"

"Well, I don't care any more! I don't care! Maybe I should let him do whatever the hell he wants! That would sure as hell be better than all the shit I get at home and here and everywhere else."

"Will you listen to what you're saying?" Aoshi grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look up, seeing himself reflected in Kamatari's wide eyes. "You're not like that, Kamatari. You don't want that and you would never degrade yourself like that. So don't even suggest it. No matter what Meibi says, I _know _Miru cares about you. Maybe he doesn't even realize it himself…But I'll be damned to find out otherwise."

"Aoshi…" A little bit of the light in Kamatari's eyes was ignited at this. He'd never seen Aoshi so fired up about anything before and it really surprised him. He felt himself getting choked up again and he wanted to hug the other boy for being so understanding.

"Don't apologize. And don't say thank you either. I know I'm not the most friendly person or anything, but I'd have to say I'd consider you a friend more than any one else. I couldn't just leave you here like that, could I?" 

"Well, you could have, but…" Kamatari's head lowered again, "But I'm glad you didn't. I was out of control. Who knows what I would have done. I'm so embarrassed, throwing a tantrum like that." He sighed.

"It's okay. Everybody has bad days." Aoshi hoped there would be no more drama throughout the course of the day. He didn't think he could handle any more crying. Two distraught…people was enough for one day. "But maybe you should try talking to Miru about it later. Tell him how you feel."

Kamatari's face was instantly an indescribable shade of scarlet. "I couldn't possibly…I mean, tell him…What would I say?" He stammered. Just thinking about saying something like that made his heart pound wildly. He already knew he didn't have the nerve to say it. He'd tried only that morning and it hadn't worked.

"You…love him, don't you? Start by saying that." Aoshi blinked. What else was he supposed to say? 

"It's not that easy to say, Aoshi. I bet you wouldn't know what to do if you were the one who felt that way." Kamatari wiped his eyes on his sleeve, "You probably wouldn't even realize that you were in love. It's kind of scary, being in love for the first time."

"Are you okay now?" Aoshi's cold eyes flitted off in another direction; he always tried to seem unconcerned when every one knew he was.

"I guess so…Lunch is almost over. Go ahead and get something to eat. I'm not hungry. I'll see you later, Aoshi."

"Yeah, later."

Kamatari shook his head as Aoshi strode away, once again leaned against his locker. He was exhausted -crying took a lot out of a person- and he felt small and alone. "_Talk to Miru" he says. That's a lot easier said than done. And if I do tell him, and he doesn't feel the same, where do we go from there?_

-------

It was surprisingly calm and quiet when Miru entered the cafeteria that afternoon. There was no yelling, no fighting, no obnoxious jocks causing trouble. He pondered this for a moment, then realized why it was so. 

There was no sign of Kamatari. 

Meibi and another girl were at the lunch table, chatting up a storm. He had no clue who the other girl was, other than he thought he might have shoved her out of his way the day before when he went running to rescue Kamatari. Aoshi wasn't there, which wasn't that big of a deal, but he wondered where his other half had gotten to. Kamatari was always there before him, and if he wasn't at the table his bag would be there at least.

"Hey Mei." He plunked his lunch tray down on the table and eased himself into a seat, "Where's Kamatari?" 

"I dunno." She shrugged, "Haven't seen him since this morning." Then she turned back to the other girl, talking a mile a minute, her hair moving as her facial expressions changed beneath it.

He blinked his dark eyes. This was very unlike his friend, but then something might have happened to him and he might be holed up somewhere crying. When Aoshi appeared -if he did- Miru would ask him if he'd seen Kamatari. Either way, he had class with the other boy before the day was out and would find out what was up then.

Aoshi appeared then, stoic as usual, setting down his bag and pulling out his lunch. Miru looked at him pointedly. "Where's Kamatari?" This was the way he always was; never mind asking if Aoshi had seen his friend.

"He's not coming." The response was noncommittal, dry, matter-of-fact.

"Why not?" Miru challenged, "What happened to him?"

Aoshi looked up at him, icy blue eyes meeting inky black ones. "He isn't hungry."

Miru sat back in his chair. Something had happened. Something had upset Kamatari. Even if he wasn't hungry, he still always showed up in the cafeteria; it was his favorite time of day besides afternoon dismissal. But there was no point in further inquiring on the subject; Aoshi would tell him no more. He sighed, rolling his eyes. This meant he would have to weasel it out of Kamatari himself and that had potential to be difficult.


	11. Chapter 11

Lessons Well Learned  
  
By Violet Ice  
  
-------

Saturdays, when spent alone, have potential to drag on and on. 

Kamatari rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He had disappeared into the room the previous night and had not come out since. It was better that way, if he stayed out of his father's sight, and he knew it. He was pining away over Miru and his father would be bound to make comments about it. He didn't want to stay in his room; didn't want to stare at that garish blue ceiling with the fluffy white clouds panted on it, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck here and there.

But it _would _be better that way.

Closing his eyes, he could vividly recall the events of the day prior to this miserable Saturday. After he and Aoshi had parted ways, he'd gone to the bathroom to wash his face. Staring into the washroom mirror, he had seen the most pathetic, broken creature he ever laid eyes on. Soft brown eyes, wet with crying, a worn, drawn expression, short, dull hair framing it all, and he had wondered: _Is that really what I've become? Was there a time only this morning when I was smiling?_

Music lessons that afternoon had been torture. The choir instructor had long since realized that she had talented people to work with when she'd come across Miru, his fingers traipsing along the piano keys, while Kamatari sang along. Nothing less than threats got Miru into that room every afternoon for the spring of the previous semester, but once he realized people wouldn't think any less of him for playing the piano and that he was "naturally talented," he began to enjoy the lessons.

That afternoon -that terrible afternoon- the teacher had requested their piano rendition of a song called "Take it Back," which they had practiced only a few times. Miru had simply cracked his knuckles, slid smoothly onto the bench and began another effortless performance while Kamatari stood motionless, not able to open his mouth and sing for fear of crying.

Miru had looked over his shoulder at him, locks of his hair falling around his face, that dangerous grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. It was moments like that which made Kamatari feel disarmed and helpless and he shivered slightly, fiddling with his bracelet. "What's the matter, hot stuff? Cat got your tongue?" Miru teased.

The poor transvestite's mind whirled. Miru's words, the teacher's telling him to begin, the words to the song -_So I spy on her, I lie to her, I make promises I cannot keep / Then I hear the laughter rising, rising from the deep / And I make her prove her love for me, I take all that I can take / And I push her to the limit to see if she will break_- they were all overpowering him as Miru plunked out the tune, chanting out the lyrics in a melodramatic sort of way.

"I can't. I can't; I'm sorry. I can't sing today…" He whispered, eyes lowering to the floor, "Please don't make me. I wouldn't be very good." He couldn't look at the instructor, couldn't look at Miru, couldn't look at anything. He knew if he looked up, he would burst into tears and he didn't want to cause a scene. "Excuse me."

__

And I left; just like that…The ceiling came into focus again as his eyes slid open. _I left, and then I blew Miru off after school and just came home to cry more. I couldn't even talk to him and find out if it's true. God, I'm pathetic._

He heard the door opening, but didn't bother to move at all. "Kamatari?" His mother's voice drifted into the room, soft and full of concern. He could see her in his mind's eye, dressed in faded jeans and a plain shirt, her hair pulled back into a low ponytail. They had the same brown eyes, the same thin hair and the same expression when they were sad. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine." He replied quietly. A CD full of instrumental pieces played softly, filling the room with an empty sort of feeling. _Marooned. _The name of that particular piece. Marooned; verb: To abandon or isolate with little hope of ready rescue or escape. Marooned. The way he felt.

"Are you sure? Did something happen at school yesterday?" He felt the high bed shift as she leaned against it, one hand resting on his shoulder. "You seemed out of sorts when you came home. I know I was busy with your brother and didn't get a chance to talk to you, but-"

"I'm fine." He repeated dully, trying to shrug off her hand.

"Something happened. Were people picking on you?"

"No…"

"Did you get in a fight with Miru?"

Miru. Just the mention of his name brought tears to the boy's eyes. "No." He choked out, rolling over to his side and curling up into a little ball. He hugged his pillow, wishing he was anywhere but there, almost preferring his dad's yelling over his mom's sympathy.

"Then what did happen, honey?"

Silence. 

He stared at the wall, willing himself not to cry. It didn't work. Tears spilled forth anyway, no matter how much he told himself to be strong. "Mama…Why…Why does it…why do _I_ have to be like this? Why can't I be normal? Why couldn't I have been born a girl? Why?" He sniffled, clutching the pillow up to his chest as the strains of _Terminal Frost_ waltzed out of his CD player.

"What did Miru do?"

"He didn't _do_ anything, Mom! Stop accusing him of things." He curled tighter around the pillow, trying to block out her unwanted attention, to show her she wasn't welcome.

"Kamatari, do not use that tone with me." She reprimanded him, her voice soft yet firm at the same time. "I was not pleased with you when you told your father and I how you felt about yourself, but I've loved you and respected you in spite of it. I'm happy that you've found some one who loves you for who you are, but I will sure as hell be unhappy if he ever does anything to hurt you. Even if I don't understand you, I will always fight for you. You are and always will be my only biological child. Now tell me why you're keeping yourself hidden away in here."

Sighing wearily, he sat up, pillow still clutched in his arms. "All right…"

-------

Miru didn't know what to do with himself.

Since the previous April, he couldn't remember spending a single Saturday alone. He was always with Kamatari; whether they were in the den, at the mall, the movies, the park or anywhere else. There had been days, of course, where Kamatari was unavailable, but he couldn't remember any…

He wandered around the house restlessly, trying to find a way to keep himself occupied and keep his mind from wandering back to thoughts of Kamatari. 

But his mind wandered anyway.

He'd been waiting for Kamatari by those garbage cans after the final bell rang. Waiting, his foot tapping impatiently on the ground, hoping no one would accost his friend who already seemed to be having a bad day. He wanted to know what had happened and why Kamatari had been unable to sing; it had been eating at him all through his last period class, ever since the other boy went running out of the choir room.

Kamatari was slow in coming, his footsteps hesitant, his eyes trailed on the ground. Miru's brow furrowed as he took in the dejected sight of his significant other. "Hey, what's wrong, Kamatari?" He'd asked seriously.

"Nothing." Came the quiet reply.

"Something." Miru pressed, looking intently at the older boy. He hated seeing Kamatari miserable, hated seeing him confused and lost, but he didn't know what to say. The walls were too high to tear down right there; he just couldn't open up when there was a chance of other people being nearby.

"Nothing's wrong." 

"Are you coming over?" 

"No…I'm just going home…"

__

God…Miru flopped down on the couch, _Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I know he's mad at me. I know whatever the problem is it's my fault. It has to be, or he wouldn't be ignoring me like this._ He ran his fingers through his long hair -which was down loose- and flipped on the television. _Might as well do something. Sitting here and worrying about it isn't going to help._

But he sat there and worried anyway.

-------

Meibi was busy chasing Mitsu around, as usual, that Saturday. Her father and Miru's mother were gone out for the day and -surprise surprise- they had left her in charge of both her brothers.

Mitsu was a holy terror when he knew his mother and father weren't around to punish him. He was a demanding little monster, bossing her around, telling her what he liked and disliked, that she didn't know what she was doing, that she couldn't touch his toys. Then he started asking where Kamatari was, why "she" wasn't there to play with him and telling his sister how much more he liked "her" and how much nicer "she" was.

Meibi was often struggling to keep herself from giving him a good whack.

After finally settling the brat down for his nap, she wandered wearily into the den. There on the faded gray sofa was her brother. The TV was on, but Miru wasn't paying much attention. He seemed to be staring off into space, a contemplative look on his face. She could see a far away look in her stepbrother's eyes and she wondered what was on his mind.

Was he actually worried about Kamatari? Had Aoshi been right? Did he really, truly care about the other boy? 

"Miru?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?" He snapped back to reality at the sound of her voice, looking up to take in her face, or what of it was visible under her hair, at least.

"What are you doing? You're just sitting there, staring off into space." She slouched down next to him, pushing back her hair so her emerald eyes burned into his. 

"I've got a lot on my mind." He mumbled distractedly, flicking the button on the remote so the channel changed again even though he wasn't looking at the TV.

"Why isn't Kamatari here?" She knew she was pushing her luck asking this, but she was curious.

"I don't know." He sounded annoyed, "He's upset about something and I have no clue what it is. He won't talk to me about it and I don't know what the hell to do. You're sure you didn't see him yesterday?"

"Nope."

"Shit…" Miru switched off the TV and tossed the remote onto the coffee table. He began to fiddle with his hair, the pulled it back in its usual loose ponytail. "What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't stand this; knowing I did something to make him hurt." He moaned, drawing his knees up, his feet on the coffee table, "I can never apologize right."

Meibi was quiet for a moment, mulling over this. He sounded sincere. His voice…He sounded so confused and lost. "Do you...love him, Miru?" She asked softly.

"What kind of stupid question is that?" He looked up at her sharply, "Why would you even bother to ask me something like that?"

__

I knew it! She thought smugly, twining a lock of hair around her finger, _He doesn't give a shit!_

"…Of course I love him." Miru finished miserably, "Isn't it obvious? Why would you need to ask? And he's hurting because I did something wrong again. I'm such a dick."

"What did you do?" A sinking feeling filled Meibi. What if, by some twist of fate, Kamatari had overheard her the day before? What if he had heard everything she said to Kaoru and believed it? What if…? 

"It's none of your business." He looked at her, his face contorting with resentment, "Why do you care about the two of us all of a sudden? You did something to him, didn't you? What did _you _do?!"

"I didn't do anything!" She snapped, making a face back at him. "Whatever he's got going on has nothing to do with me. It's probably because you're such an inconsiderate chauvinist and you don't give a damn about any one but yourself. Maybe he finally realized how self-centered you are and that you don't care."

Miru's eyes, if possible, became even darker and Meibi knew she had overstepped the boundaries. He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, black eyes burning into her emerald ones, and she could see the storm in his gaze and her own terrified face reflected in his inky eyes. "Don't you ever say something like that again! I ought to break your face right now…How could you think that, Meibi? Huh? You don't know a damn thing. You see my black eye? You see all those bruises I have all the time? Do ya? Those are all for him. I wouldn't fight like that for anybody else in the world. And shit, you think I don't care about him?"

"Miru, I'm sorry! Let me go! You're hurting me!" She squirmed a little, whimpering. He had his fingers dug into her shoulder; his grip was overpowering. Now she understood why nobody dared to mess with Kamatari when he was around. He had never laid a finger on her until this point in time and she was scared to death. 

"Mei! Mei! Mei! Mei!" 

At the sound of Mitsu's voice drifting into the room; he tossed her back against the couch. "The kid wants you so get lost." He growled, "And if you ever say anything like that again…You can bet you'll be in a cast for a while." He stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

__

Okay heart; resume beating…She sank back against the cushions, her hair falling lightly back over her forehead. _You're not dead. He didn't kill you. But hell, if he finds out this is all your fault…_

You won't live to see seventeen.


	12. Chapter 12

Lessons Well Learned

By Violet Ice

-------

****

As I said before, this _will_ turn into an Aoshi/Misao if you're patient enough…I promise the chapter following this one will be nothing but the two of them at his house while he helps her study. You just have to be patient with me…

-------

Sunday dawned gray and dreary; perfect weather for staying inside. 

Miru and Meibi both slept well into the afternoon.

Kamatari took his brother to the store for milk and bread at his mother's request.

Aoshi was up at the crack of dawn, meditating on the floor of his mother's sunroom, preparing for the trials that were sure to come in the later portion of the day.

Misao woke up early and couldn't fall back to sleep; she was a bundle of nerves and wasn't quite sure why. Her stomach was doing back flips at the thought of going to Aoshi's house, spending the afternoon with him, alone, no one there but the two of them…

She finally gave up on trying to go back to sleep around ten o'clock. Her mother was reading the newspaper in the kitchen and her stepfather was still asleep when she padded barefoot downstairs. "Morning, Mom." She greeted her mother as she pulled open the refrigerator.

"You're up early." Came her mother's voice from behind the paper.

"I couldn't sleep, so I figured I might as well get up." She wrinkled her nose at the sight of all the health food in the fridge. Her mother was on one of those vegetarian kicks that were so popular and there was next to nothing the teen considered edible.

"You couldn't sleep?"

"I've got a big test tomorrow."

"Oh."

"I'm going out later to study."

"To Kaoru's?"

"No." She closed the door and began rustling through the cupboards.

"Where then?"

"My tutor's house. He lives near Kaoru. He's gonna help me so I can get a good grade this time." Nothing in the cupboards either. She sighed in exasperation.

"Since when do you care about grades?" Was her mother's next question.

She ignored the sarcasm. "Since he started treating me like an idiot. I want to prove to him that he's not any smarter than me. I hate him and I can't wait to laugh when I ace a test."

"That's nice, dear." 

Her eyes rolled heavenward as she left the room. Had her mom even been listening to her? Did it matter? And why couldn't she stop thinking about Aoshi?

And hour later, showered and neatly dressed, Misao made her second appearance in the kitchen. Her mother hadn't moved from the table; now she was drinking coffee and shuffling through the stock market section of the paper. Her stepfather had appeared at the table too and he was reading the sports page and eating toast.

"I'm going out to get breakfast." She announced to no one in particular, knowing full well it didn't matter if she told them or not because they wouldn't even realize she was gone. 

Stopping by the front door to grab her jacket, she ran hastily down the steps and to the wrought iron fence. There was a bakery down the block and around the corner that she and Kaoru went to on the way to school sometimes and she was headed in that direction. 

She looked around as she wandered down the street. The sun was making a feeble attempt to break through the clouds. It was blah and chilly; winter was on its way at last. Leaves littered the sidewalk and the finely manicured lawns of her neighbors. There were no signs of life from any of the houses; which didn't really surprise her. Sunday mornings in her neighborhood were usually lazy and slow. 

The bell on the bakery's door tinkled merrily as she entered the store and she was greeted by a welcoming aroma of cinnamon, baking bread and chocolate. Closing her eyes a moment, she inhaled, then her lashes fluttered across her cheeks as she looked around the small shop to see if there was any one she knew. 

Her gaze came to rest on a little boy who looked to be about eight or nine. He was neatly dressed in navy blue slacks and a sky blue polo shirt, his dark, silky hair falling around his face, which was pressed up against the glass of the display case. An older girl, perhaps his sister, was holding his hand as she chatted amiably with the man behind the counter. She was slender, dressed in flared khakis and a brick red turtleneck sweater. Her short hair fell just above her shoulders, stylishly bobbed, and when she turned to ask the boy a question, Misao nearly did a double-take.

Of course the "girl" who's style she had been admiring turned out to be Kamatari.

"You may pick out one thing you'd like, Sou." He told the little boy, "Or else Mama will tell me I'm spoiling you again."

"Okay." The boy beamed up at him happily, then looked back at the spread before him. 

Misao stared at them a moment longer before she felt some one shove her out of the way. Snapping back to attention, she looked to see who had pushed her. A university-age girl had flounced into the store, both her shirt and her hip-hugger jeans a size too tight, her hair pulled up in a messy bun. She brushed past Misao without so much as an "excuse me" and made her way right over to the counter.

Misao's eyes narrowed. She didn't care how much older than her that tramp was; no one pushed her. She flipped her braid over her shoulder and was about to storm over and demand an apology when she saw the little boy smile at the young woman.

"Hi Yumi!" He exclaimed cheerfully.

She smiled down at him, crouching to be on his level. "Hi there, Kiddo. I haven't seen you in a while."

"I got a new family." He said quiet seriously, the grin never leaving his face. Only his brilliant blue eyes hinted at the slightest emotion.

"It's about time." She glanced up at Kamatari, who frowned at the sight of this woman in her low-cut shirt, cleavage ready to spill out. "Is this your new sister, Sojiro?"

Misao watched, intrigued. What would the kid say to that? Surely, if he was Kamatari's brother, he knew the truth, didn't he? This had potential to get interesting. 

"No." Sojiro replied matter-of-factly, "This is my new _brother._" He stressed the last word, to which the older boy's face immediately flushed red as the woman looked up at him, disgusted. Her expression was so hateful that Misao wondered if Kamatari would cry, but no, he kept his pride and stared back at her evenly.

"You're a boy?" She asked scathingly, her eyebrow rising.

"Yes." Even if he wasn't willing to show her that she upset him, his voice sounded strained, "And who might you be?"

"I used to baby-sit for Sojiro when he was with his biological family. I'm glad he's with a new family, but maybe the agency should have chosen more carefully when they placed him." Was her snide response. She rose to her feet, patting the child on the head, then turned to the baker to tell him what she wanted.

Misao watched for a moment longer as the little boy once again began the debate over what treat he wanted and Kamatari stood there, his big brown eyes filling up with tears, his chin trembling. She wanted to slap that woman for insulting a person she didn't even know, but then a thought crossed her mind.

__

Is that how I treat people? Like they're scum and I'm the greatest thing living? No wonder Aoshi can't stand me. No wonder he tells me I'm hopeless. No wonder Kaoru hates me now…I'm a terrible person.

She stood frozen in the spot, mulling over this, as Yumi brushed past her on her way out, then looked up when the baker addressed her. "Hey, Kid, do ya want something or not?"

"Oh; yes, I'm sorry." She apologized. Kamatari was giving her a funny look and his brother looked at her too, a questioning look in his eyes. She went past them, smiling faintly and saying hello to Kamatari, who looked surprised that she actually spoke to him.

She ordered herself a cinnamon bun and a mocha, then sat down at one of the small tables to eat, still contemplating the notion that she was a horrible human being. She was trying to think back over the past few years to a time when she had been nice to some one; a time when she'd put others before herself, and nothing was coming to mind. 

This troubled her deeply.

"How come you're frowning?"

She looked up at the sound of Sojiro's voice. He was standing next to the table, eating a chocolate chip cookie and grinning at her. Watching him munch happily on his treat for a moment made her long for the days when she had been that young and innocent, but she knew she would never be so lucky as to experience that again. "I'm frowning because I'm unhappy." She told him honestly.

His blue eyes widened. "Why? Did something bad happened? When bad things happened to me, people took me away and I got a new family and now bad things don't happen any more." He smiled knowingly, taking another bite of the cookie. 

"Nothing bad happened. I'm just not a very nice person and mean people are unhappy a lot."

"You said hi to Kamatari. That was nice of you. Most people don't talk to him. Are you his friend? Are you going to be his girlfriend? Then maybe people would think he was normal and every one would be nice to him. It makes me mad when people are mean to him." 

"Sojiro…" Kamatari had appeared behind the little boy, his eyes lit with nervousness, "Don't pester Misao."

"He's not bothering me." She turned her cerulean gaze upwards, taking in Kamatari's worried face as she wiped her hands on a napkin. "I don't mind at all. I didn't even know you had a brother, Kamatari."

"They only got me a year ago." Sojiro informed her, "Cause my other Dad and Mama and brothers and sister used to hurt me. So I have a new Dad and Mama and Kamatari is my new big brother and you would never hurt me, right Kamatari?"

"Right." The older boy affirmed, smiling affectionately down at his brother. 

"And Mama says that you're the best big brother I could have ever got 'cause you're so nice." He looked back at Misao, "Lots of people are mean to Kamatari 'cause of the way he looks, but it doesn't matter what they say because I know he's a nice person. Maybe people are the same way to you. Maybe on the inside you're really a nice person too. Maybe you just don't know 'cause no one's ever told you that. I thought all the bad things that happened to me were my fault because that's what every one told me."

Misao stared at her hands, which were wrapped around her cup. How was it that a child was wiser than she was? How did this little boy understand everything better than she ever could? She looked up at him, studying his smiling face, his bright blue eyes, then turned her gaze to Kamatari, who looked back at her, his soft eyes revealing all sorts of sorrows to her. "I'm sorry." She said softly, her gaze dropping back to the table top.

"Excuse me?" He looked at her curiously, wondering what exactly she was apologizing for.

"I'm sorry. The other day, I saw what happened to you in the parking lot and didn't do anything about it. And I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Something stirred in his heart for her. She seemed to be withdrawn and tired, not the way she usually was. Even if he didn't know a thing about her besides the fact that she was rich and bratty, he could tell this wasn't what she was really like. "Stuff like that happens to me a lot."

"That doesn't make it okay. I should have done something to help you."

"And get yourself beat up? No; there was no reason for you to do that for me." He countered, wondering what was wrong with her. Normally, she wouldn't give some one like him the time of day.

"I deserve to be beat up. I'm hopeless, just like Aoshi says. Some one should have slapped some sense into me a long time ago. I saw Miru come running to rescue you that day and I was jealous."

"Jealous?" Kamatari blinked, "You do know he's gay, right?"

"I was jealous because I don't think any one has ever cared that much about me." She rose to throw away her trash, "He really loves you and I would give anything to know what that's like."

Kamatari was silent for a moment, watching as she made her way to the garbage can, as she pushed her trash through the flap and into the receptacle; as her long braid bounced against her back while she walked. "You don't know what you're saying, do you? He doesn't love me and you wouldn't want a man like him in your life."

"How can you stand there and say he doesn't love you? I saw that boy take a beating for you three days ago and you dare to look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't feel anything for you? How do you live with yourself? That was the nastiest looking black eye I've ever seen in my life and it could have been yours." She zipped up her jacket, "And you honestly think he doesn't love you?"

More silence followed. How was he supposed to respond to that? If she was basing her opinion of Miru on what she saw that afternoon, she hadn't seen much. There was so much more to him that she didn't understand. Like that next morning on the way to school…But he didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about Miru at all. It made his heart ache to even hear the other boy's name.

"I think you don't know what you're saying." Misao concluded as she pushed open the door, the bells once again singing gleefully, "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a study session with that frigid tutor of mine."

Kamatari watched as the door swung shut behind her. Then he sighed, looking down at Sojiro. "Come on, Kiddo. We might as well go home. Mama'll be wondering what happened to us." Mechanically, he placed his hand in Sojiro's; his mind a million miles away as he thought of Miru. _Maybe she's right. Maybe she's right and I was wrong…_

-------

****

Note: I'd like to explain why I made Sojiro Kamatari's brother. I think this works nicely for several reasons. Sojiro and Kamatari are on friendly terms with one another (in the manga, Kamatari really does refer to him as "Sou"), there's a considerable age gap between them and, well, Sojiro's family sucks so I wanted him to have something better. I know he's very OOC, but he is only about 9 years old in this, so no complaints! Nyeah! =^_^=


End file.
